tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post1012968861647655988..comments2023-08-01T02:00:42.012-07:00Comments on A Year After the Affair: Manic Meltdown Part 1shawnthewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-45325626925853041622012-12-05T17:40:14.901-08:002012-12-05T17:40:14.901-08:00Thanks! It's strange but that made me feel sup...Thanks! It's strange but that made me feel super good. Although I didn't leave my house for threes months.....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-76432523951462922192012-12-03T08:28:09.005-08:002012-12-03T08:28:09.005-08:00J: There is nothing wrong at all with taking the ...J: There is nothing wrong at all with taking the high road. Hiking the High Road is so much harder than hopping on the train to Crazy Town! So wise and very strong! Please give yourself the immense credit you deserve.<br />You demonstrated epic self-control, something I sorely lacked. I admire you.<br />The high road is the fast track, paved road to Happy. My Road to Happy is curvy, covered with potholes and in many places barely passable due to collateral damage littering the path.<br />You are a betrayed wife Rock Star!<br />Hope & Hugs, Shawnshawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-86887801762973531602012-12-02T23:10:08.615-08:002012-12-02T23:10:08.615-08:00I've read each and every one of your posts. I ...I've read each and every one of your posts. I know that when you jump on the crazy coaster, it's usually not for the best. There is some cathartic release--but it gets you nowhere. I respect that you let yourself lash out. You let yourself let that anger go. <br />Having been in your shoes, except the BW was a "friend", but having the challenge of living in a busy-body small community I didn't lash out. I didn't go after her like I dreamed of. I still could go for a drop of her blood after a year and a half but I don't. I have a disgusting need for this small community to know that I am better than that bitch. Sadly, that is the only thing that stopped me from completely derailing. Sick competitiveness. <br />But a year and a half, a lot of counselling, and a shit ton of work and we are beating the odds. <br />But still.... There are days I would love to derail and show everyone she is awful, kick her ass, and get my drop of blood. <br />Thanks for your blog and keep on healing!<br />-JAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-51469241710157371382012-11-29T12:52:27.051-08:002012-11-29T12:52:27.051-08:00MCG: If by telling my story I can make the coaster...MCG: If by telling my story I can make the coaster from hell slow down for someone just a little, that makes me very happy. But for your thanks, you are truly more than welcome.<br />Hope some of the blog makes you laugh from time to time.<br /><br />Richard had different reactions at different times. Mostly, he was just so damn sad! He hated when we went through periods of my anger that meant he couldn't touch me. He got so despondent that I usually began to feel sorry for him! Can you imagine?<br />Even though he was not happy about me dragging others into our mess, he never told me what NOT to do. He knows me well enough to know that will probably make me do the exact opposite. <br />The only time he reacted with anger (not anger so much as pure frustration) was when I became downright evil towards him during MC. He used to say all he could see was hate in my eyes and then he wondered if we could ever be happy again. <br />When I would lose it, he would usually step back and leave me alone. He might apologize a few more times, but basically he backed away and let the visit to Crazy Town play itself out.<br />Does that help you with your theory?<br />Hope & Hugs, Shawnshawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-16781563777089379942012-11-29T12:32:49.349-08:002012-11-29T12:32:49.349-08:00Shawn- The trips to crazy town truly were some of ...Shawn- The trips to crazy town truly were some of the weirdest on the roller coaster. Thanks for sharing yours. Got a question for you-How did Richard express his guilt during the time frame your trips to CT were at their peak? <br /><br />I got a theory I wanna test, the info might be helpful.<br /><br />Big hugs and thanks, as always, for your bravery in sharing your story in such a bold, funny, authentic way. <br /><br />MCGAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-13476735446473481232012-11-29T10:16:03.757-08:002012-11-29T10:16:03.757-08:00Kari: It will probably be the hardest thing to do...Kari: It will probably be the hardest thing to do ever!! But, it's worth it. <br />Another thing that helped me was if I was furious about something and needed to express my feelings to Richard, I'd head to my computer and email him. That way I was able to type out all the fuck-yous, you're such a miserable husband, I wish you'd leave...and then go back, re-read it, and delete the unproductive language. Then, I could send him my thoughts in a way that might just sink in. More flies with honey and all that.<br />It was cathartic, like beating a pillow while picturing his face!!<br />Hope & Hugs, Shawnshawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-35908156993511677312012-11-29T10:09:30.682-08:002012-11-29T10:09:30.682-08:00Linda: I DID NOT handle it well at ALL! I was ...Linda: I DID NOT handle it well at ALL! I was losing my self control, a little more everyday. That makes me nothing but weak. What good came of me going off in Richard's office?? Zippo. Did my drama show Richard how badly he hurt me? So what?? He already knew. Why did I need to make a freakin' scene to prove the point?<br />I was still so close to the agony of DDay I didn't know how to help myself.<br />I know now. Acknowledge the affair, accept it and then let it go. Focus on today. If you can't be happy today, you're doing something wrong and that wrong thing might be wallowing in the past.<br />I'm never going back there again and I hope I can save other betrayed spouses from beating the cheating dead horse, too.<br />I did nearly everything wrong. Please understand that.<br />Hope & Hugs, Shawnshawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-51775516846107620162012-11-28T13:29:55.641-08:002012-11-28T13:29:55.641-08:00Thanks Shawn. Will try to remind myself of the &qu...Thanks Shawn. Will try to remind myself of the "count to 50" trick the next time! It's certainly worth a shot!Karinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-70287414630159982182012-11-28T13:21:03.959-08:002012-11-28T13:21:03.959-08:00Shawn,
I would have loved to be a fly on the wall ...Shawn,<br />I would have loved to be a fly on the wall to see how that office staff responded to your meltdown. I think what you did, needed to be done. He wasn't thinking of you in that office when he was banging that "little girl!" So, good for you to go for it. I am sorry that you were falling apart inside, however, that's never any fun, but you handled it so well.<br />Linda T.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-88783745148498506472012-11-27T14:39:03.518-08:002012-11-27T14:39:03.518-08:00Jules: To each her own mental meltdown! If you d...Jules: To each her own mental meltdown! If you don't show your pain to your WH, how will he know how badly he hurt you? I'm not saying you should rant and rave and hang a banner from your house declaring him a cheating bastard, but he needs to really FEEL how badly his actions have injured you and your marriage. The people that have told you that before are right on!<br /><br />I can't tell you what his consequences will be, but if he does love you, he should be carrying a shit-ton of guilt. Richard practically bathed it! <br />Have you established any boundaries? If not, start now. You need access to his computer, his phone and he needs to let you know where he is all the time. Those are consequences of a sort.<br />Boundaries keep you from becoming a doormat. But, even if you decide to just roll with the Toughie Pants routine, that does NOT make you weak, never a doormat. We all handle this shit storm differently.<br />Keep posting on HH and seek IC & MC, if you can. Your WH should be in IC, too. He needs to figure out why he became a cheater so he NEVER does it again.<br /> Yeah...San Diego. Great weather we're having, right??<br />Hope & Hugs, Shawnshawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-71261226234457231312012-11-27T13:43:18.636-08:002012-11-27T13:43:18.636-08:00It's Jules from HH!
Um, you're in San Dieg...It's Jules from HH!<br />Um, you're in San Diego...me too. :)<br /><br />I don't know why I feel the need to keep my meltdowns in. It's like I can't stand for my h to see me weak. I haven't melted down yet. Talks, emails, at worst an eye roll at a comment or something that hits a nerve. <br /><br />I feel like he has had ZERO consequences and hence the molasses movement in behavioral changes. It's like I want him to GET IT on his own, so I know it's genuine. Most have said he will not get it unless I show him.<br /><br />What is my problem? I'm starting to feel like a doormat.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-75837817753791209802012-11-27T13:14:49.509-08:002012-11-27T13:14:49.509-08:00Anonymous: Scared the dog?? Whoa. We may have b...Anonymous: Scared the dog?? Whoa. We may have been cut from very similar cloth!<br />It sounds like you are in a better place now and you've learned from the experience.<br />Congratulations. We'd love to hear your story. Always looking for tips from those that made it through and found the road to happy!<br />Hope & Hugs, Shawnshawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-11414257744711702052012-11-27T13:11:34.312-08:002012-11-27T13:11:34.312-08:00((Kari)) I'm gonna share an idea with you. I...((Kari)) I'm gonna share an idea with you. It helped me but not for a long time. Maybe you will be stronger than I ever was.<br />When you feel a meltdown coming on, when you need to rant and scream at your WH, TRY to pause, walk away and count to 50. Sometimes it works. Then again, sometimes it's OK for your WH to see your pain. He needs to understand how badly his lies have injured you. But, what doesn't help are the words shouted out of your deep anger, the horrible names and threats. Not productive.<br />Do I think he deserves every bit of your fury? Do I think he should have to ride the coaster right along with you? Yes. But if your goal is to save your marriage, my suggestion is count to 50. It's really hard to do, but well worth the effort.<br />Hope & Hugs, Shawnshawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-1274983444832699632012-11-27T11:58:41.273-08:002012-11-27T11:58:41.273-08:00During my "best" meltdown, I lost my voi...During my "best" meltdown, I lost my voice for 2 days afterward from all the yelling, screaming and raging. Our dog was afraid of me for days! Our neighbors had to have heard. Ha! I laugh about now..that was 3 yrs ago. I have never been that angry before and never plan to let myself get that way again. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-70132879892176319922012-11-27T10:38:50.595-08:002012-11-27T10:38:50.595-08:00Oh, the manic meltdowns! I had a semi-meltdown las...Oh, the manic meltdowns! I had a semi-meltdown last night. Luckily, we were at home, but there was some serious meltdown action going on. Yelling, telling my husband to leave, crying, sobbing, calling him horrible names, threatening to leave. It was all there. Ugh, it was not pretty, but I honestly felt like I had no control over it. The meltdowns just take over every rational thought and make you feel crazy. Sad thing is, I'm certain this isn't my last one. As always, thanks for sharing. I'm curious to hear the rest of the story in your next post.Karinoreply@blogger.com