tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post2644804864450728772..comments2023-08-01T02:00:42.012-07:00Comments on A Year After the Affair: The End of Jaymie, Part 2shawnthewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-46805422652578183722014-09-27T13:40:15.581-07:002014-09-27T13:40:15.581-07:00To the woman who married her affair partner...Mich...To the woman who married her affair partner...Michele. I am not even sure you will read this, but. Why are you on this board? There's no tone to that question, I just want to know? Unless you have been touched by infidelity in some way, you don't usually end up on an infidelity blog. You were the other woman but it appears that was 6 years ago? Why now? <br /><br />I have to also say, marrying you did not fix what was wrong with your now husband to make him cheat on his wife. It had nothing to do with his ex-wife and you are only hearing his side of it anyway. Unless he figured out why he cheated I would be a nervous cat if I were you. I'm not saying that to be nasty or vindictive, I say it because it's the truth. Even if he had stayed married but they just brushed the affair under the rug, I'd be nervous there would be another affair.<br /><br />Please do not judge the ex-wife or her daughters. It's very sad they don't have a relationship with their father but frankly you are not the one to try to mend that. They are not receiving you as in their eyes, their father broke up their family and their world and you were the one who assisted in that. It's nice that you care but you should've thought about that before you had an affair with him and participated in the demise of their entire world. I'm not saying this to be mean but as Shawn said, there are consequences to having an affair and unfortunately the man losing his daughters is one of them. I'm sure you've had your own consequences as the other woman because nobody comes out of an affair ok, at least not for a while. I do encourage you to understand, even six years later, why your husband really cheated. It's a character flaw, and he needs to understand what and why it manifested in an affair. Blaming another person (bad spouse) for cheating is really passing the buck in a huge way. Contrary to how you might be receiving my words I would hate to see another failed marriage as a result.<br /><br />xx JulethJulethnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-72624993982586905192014-09-27T13:37:36.785-07:002014-09-27T13:37:36.785-07:00I did not tell my kids. I have two boys. They wer...I did not tell my kids. I have two boys. They were 9 and 11 at the time. It would have shattered their world. In all the comments the one I feel the most alignment with in terms of the kids, forgiving my H and info I would want to know or not, it's that of reconciliation rockstar. Hoping that makes me one too, two years out and all of us doing really well.<br /><br />I think what bothers me most about the tone and words of the negative comments is the thread of judgment woven through them. I would hope that there would not be one single betrayed spouse on any forum who would JUDGE another for the way they handled anything after dday. Even if it's not what you would have done. It is such an incredibly personal decision and sometimes we make mistakes in processing it all. And as much as we don't want to bring our kids into our pain it happens, either actively or because they just find out. <br /><br />What I admire about Shawn is she shared all of her story in an effort to help. I share mine too, on Healing Heart from time to time to try to help. Did I do everything right? Well I can tell you I'm 90% healed. My marriage is about the same. My H is a different man. I'm a different person. My kids are fine. I've learned a lot. I'm two years out. If I did something differently could I be 100% in all the areas? Maybe but doubtful. The bottom line is the purpose of these blogs and forums is to offer love, understanding and support in a time when you need it more than ever. If someone's experience can touch me and give me hope, or if I can do the same for someone else, it's all good. Shawn put herself out there, craziness and all. She doesn't try to make herself look like a saint or a victim in all of this. She recognizes she would do things differently in hindsight. Don't take pot shots at her for that.<br /><br />If you are judging and you've never been cheated on, all I can say is stop it. You should feel lucky. One of the big misconceptions and things that make me sick is, maybe the spouse deserves to be cheated on." Um, nobody deserves that pain. Truly. If you haven't been cheated on I hope you never are. The pain is life-altering and you cannot fathom it unless you've been there. Maybe the marriage isn't perfect, ok so what? You promised to love honor and be faithful to your spouse through good times and bad. If you are not in a good time, go get marital counseling. If that doesn't work get a divorce. DO NOT have an affair.<br /><br />xx JulethJulethnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-88392956015669981772014-09-09T07:38:10.456-07:002014-09-09T07:38:10.456-07:00Anonymous: Your logic is sound. I want to address...Anonymous: Your logic is sound. I want to address your question, "why cannot someone even younger than you be equally or more immature?"<br />I agree, Jaymie was very immature and easy prey for Richard.<br /><br />Was I a whore when I cheated? I suppose many would say I was. Looking back, I'd say I was surely close to it even though I wasn't working to steal another woman's husband...and there lies the line Jaymie crossed.<br /><br />Is Jaymie still a whore even though she was immature? You betcha!! She begged Richard to leave me and the kids! If you're doing a side by side comparison, she wins the sleaze bag slut prize between the two of us hands down!<br />Thanks for asking.<br />Hope & Hugs, Shawn<br />shawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-40543393190986246292014-09-09T02:35:16.346-07:002014-09-09T02:35:16.346-07:00wow..at 25 when you were married and you cheated y...wow..at 25 when you were married and you cheated you were silly and immature.<br /><br />Jaymie , i gather , is younger .She has an affair with a married man old enough to be her grandfather and she is a whore.<br /><br />And , Jaymie , wasnt even married.<br /><br />Were the men you cheated with married ?<br /><br />Not that your cheating excuses what Jaymie did but i think if you can put it down to immaturity why cannot someone even younger than you be equally or more immature ? <br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-46421616074676554272014-09-04T15:41:26.907-07:002014-09-04T15:41:26.907-07:00Phenomenal Diane: Only 2 months out? That's ...Phenomenal Diane: Only 2 months out? That's a real rough patch. None of this blows over quickly. Just when you think you're gaining some ground, you can be knocked back hard. Be prepared.<br />You found a safe place here. I hope we can offer you some measure of comfort and guidance as you begin to heal. Since you read the whole blog, at least you know what NOT to do as you move forward.<br />I do have one quick piece of advice...if the OW contacts you again, let her know in no uncertain terms that you will be seeking a restraining order. She needs to stay away from you and your WH. She doesn't get to tell you what YOU did wrong. PLEEEZE! If it helps you to reach out to others while you are grieving, do what you gotta do. <br />Please consider IC. You gotta heal you before you can heal the marriage.<br />Hope & Hugs, Shawnshawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-42237056946228045012014-09-04T15:31:44.856-07:002014-09-04T15:31:44.856-07:00Lisa: I'm a little tender when it comes to my...Lisa: I'm a little tender when it comes to my kiddos. When you asked if I told them about my infidelity, it tripped my bitchy trigger. <br />I don't claim to know what is best for everyone going through the maze of madness after DDay. Usually, we all just do what we can most of the time and what we have to when we find the strength. <br />I do know that there is safety in numbers on the Road to Happy. The more support the better.<br />I am very sorry for your pain and I would never want to compound it.<br />So lets move on and as BS said, let's be friends.<br />I'll respect your choices. I hope you can try to respect mine, too.<br />Hope & Hugs, Shawn<br />shawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-45467671807477869762014-09-04T13:29:40.512-07:002014-09-04T13:29:40.512-07:00Lisa:
Thank you for sharing your story.
I am so...Lisa:<br /><br />Thank you for sharing your story. <br /><br />I am sorry to hear that you were married to such a bonehead.<br /><br />Obviously he cared little about his children, and that is very sad. <br /><br />Obviously he is a self-absorbed, self-centered type of dad.<br /><br />One concern I have that I hope you will be open to considering. <br /><br />Of course, it's still your call whether or not to tell your children what their dad did, but please consider this:<br /><br />If they are 12 and older, I worry that your children will blame themselves for the divorce rather than realizing that the divorce occurred 'cause daddy could not keep his pants zip. <br /><br />And, he was the type of guy that confuses lust with love.<br /><br />If he knew what love was he would man up and tell them the truth of why he left the family and is now likely neglecting them to romance the OW.<br /><br />IMO, that would be better than having their imaginations run wild, or have them blaming themselves.<br /><br />Also Shawn has always been open to other opinions, but, IMO, she got a little snide because you appear to be bashing her.<br /><br />Why?<br /><br />Are you angry because she stayed with Richard, instead of giving him his walking papers?<br /><br />Or are you angry because Richard stayed with Shawn rather than running off with the OW?<br /><br />Or, are you just as hurt and angry as the rest of us BSs here?<br /><br />The BSs here are on YOUR side, whether you divorced or reconciled. <br /><br />No matter what choices you choose to make.<br /><br />I am sorry your boneheaded husband is not treating your children well. <br /><br />You know what, I would truly like to smack him upside the forehead and ask WTF were you thinking?<br /><br />You know what, I sometimes still what to smack my own husband upside the forehead and ask WTF were you thinking, and we have reconciled. <br /><br />It's okay to be angry about the behavior of someone that hurt you.<br /><br />But you and I and Shawn and the other BSs here......let's be friends. :)<br /><br />BSnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-57011295049099025152014-09-04T12:45:45.207-07:002014-09-04T12:45:45.207-07:00People think that by keeping the truth from the ki...People think that by keeping the truth from the kids that they are doing their kids a favor. I don't think so. I think it keeps them from truly comprehending and working through the painful realities of their family. I think it keeps them confused and I think it prevents them from healing. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-3496416525202387762014-09-04T12:33:53.922-07:002014-09-04T12:33:53.922-07:00Lisa,
I don't think anyone commenting here sho...Lisa,<br />I don't think anyone commenting here should be criticized or pass judgement. Regarding telling the kids, a lot has to do with the age, stability, and maturity level of the children, the relationship with the child, and how much that child has seen/witnessed/knows already. I believe that secrets are more harmful than the truth, pretty much no matter what. But that's just me. In addition, expecting the betrayed person to have enough together to contain all the hurt and anger and confusion is asking a lot. Not everybody has the ability nor the personality style to keep it together in a crisis. We just do what we can and try to live up to our ideals of what is best. Fortunately in my situation, all the kids were stable adults. I have no idea how I would have handled it if my kids were young. All I know is that it was like getting kicked in the gut. I could hardly breathe, much less think. I ended up finding out one day before a destination wedding in Maui. I lost it and had to leave to get back to the states. Some family members called me "selfish".<br /><br />Diane<br /><br />Phenomenalnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-83799398256987061792014-09-04T07:02:12.774-07:002014-09-04T07:02:12.774-07:00SHAWN: Chill out, geez. I thought a blog was a ...SHAWN: Chill out, geez. I thought a blog was a forum where everyone could have their own opinion. I didn't know that if I didn't agree with something that you wrote I had to keep it to myself. Sometimes opposing feedback helps you to become a better person. Just because you had your reasons for doing what you did doesn't mean it was the right thing to do. Isn't that why you are writing this blog, because you know you didn't do the right thing? <br /><br />BS: Was married for 20 years, divorced for 2 now, 4 kids who I told NOTHING to about 'the affair'. It wasn't their business, I didn't lie, I just choose to protect them from that. <br /><br />The only thing harder than dealing with getting divorced is (1)seeing your kids hurt (so why fucking add to that); and (2)knowing another women was more important to him than you and the kids you gave him.<br /><br />thats my story....<br /><br /><br /><br />Lisanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-72195411897294643062014-09-04T05:42:28.553-07:002014-09-04T05:42:28.553-07:00Shawn,
I have had two months now to ponder my deci...Shawn,<br />I have had two months now to ponder my decision to be open with the kids and the entire family about Walt's affair. The Other Woman actually wrote this to me, telling me, and I quote, "you have hurt and embarrassed many innocent people to something he explained was over. You magnified, exaggerated old news to atomic proportions, for what purpose? Attention? Pity? Victimizing yourself in public? " in response to my exposing the secret affair they were having. Well, I'm not sorry I did. Enough with the lies already. By the way, my name "Phenomenal" comes from the poem by the late Maya Angelou entitled "Phenomenal Woman". One of his kids sent it to me about 3 weeks post DDay.<br /><br />Best regards and thank you,<br />Phenomenal (Diane)<br />DianePhenomenalnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-76112225845721556762014-09-04T05:33:45.849-07:002014-09-04T05:33:45.849-07:00Shawn,
I just finished reading your entire blog. ...Shawn, <br />I just finished reading your entire blog. I laughed, I cried, I understood. Thank you. I'm 2 months past DDay.<br /><br />DianePhenomenalnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-53252006041040649922014-09-03T08:07:37.714-07:002014-09-03T08:07:37.714-07:00Your blog has saved my life.Thank you. I am so sim...Your blog has saved my life.Thank you. I am so similar to you it's scary.<br /><br />DianeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-44034918731451822572014-09-02T21:05:16.180-07:002014-09-02T21:05:16.180-07:00I have just started reading your blog in the last ...I have just started reading your blog in the last few weeks and have found it quite helpful. It has been 10 months since D Day for me and I am still on the emotional roller coaster. I have been with my partner since I was 15, married at 20 and together for 29 years when he had a 2 year affair with a manipulative other woman. He pursued her, after her coming on to him and making it clear she was interested. And they agreed on a friends with benefits relationship. However, that didn't last and they started to develop feelings for each other (makes me sick just to type it) and she became more demanding of his time. He tried to end the relationship several times and she used threats of suicide to keep him coming back. I know all of this because like you, I needed all the answers. I hacked into my husbands email and read every email between the two of them, as well as several drafts that he didn't send, trying to figure out how to tell her it was over. He tried to end it the first time after only 5 months. This made me angry, that this could have been over in only 5 months, but she manipulated him into staying with her. Of course he was still in the infatuation phase and let her manipulate him partly because he didn't want to give her up. I realize that the other woman isn't the only one at fault, but I have been so angry at her, because she knowingly did everything she could to prevent him from doing the right thing. Even after he told her he loved me and I didn't deserve this and that it was destroying him, she still wouldn't let him go. Even after D Day, she has continued to try to contact him every 3 months, interfering with our healing and reopening our wounds. I wish I had your courage to confront her and tell her to F**k off and leave us alone. Our counselor has advised against it, especially considering her psychotic tendencies. It is killing me though to not tell her how well we are doing and to tell her what I think of her. I started a journal about 2 weeks after D Day and it has been my savior. Instead of lashing out and doing things I will regret, I have written my thoughts down and allowed myself to reflect before reacting. It has helped but I sure would like to let her know what I think of her.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-7656663732405887352014-09-02T16:37:09.105-07:002014-09-02T16:37:09.105-07:00ALR: You asked, "In 25 years, when Jaymie ge...ALR: You asked, "In 25 years, when Jaymie gets cheated on by her husband, will you feel solace and compassion for her or will you think the devil got her due?"<br />That is a good question. I hope I never hear a thing about Jaymie ever again, but just for the sake of pondering the unimaginable for a minute...<br />I think if I have to pick one of the two choices you offered, I say I HOPE I'd feel some compassion for her.<br />That doesn't mean I'd rush out to buy her a bottle of wine and hold her hand while she's sobbing. But I think I would share the online link to the Healing Heart with her. I wouldn't have to be the one that helped her find her Road to Happy. There's lots of compassionate people on that forum to give her an assist!<br /><br />And, I'll get to the next post regarding the End of Jaymie by this weekend. PROMISE!!<br />Hope & Hugs, Shawnshawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-70631103707038988172014-09-02T15:56:00.394-07:002014-09-02T15:56:00.394-07:00BS
Wise words and I want you to know they were no...BS<br /><br />Wise words and I want you to know they were not wasted on me. Can't say the same thing about the rest of the posters here. Jeez!<br /><br />This is just common sense to me. <br /><br />Also the whole part about putting your crap on the "innocents". Well "innocents", I will say applies to very young children, but I'm sorry, and I don't know what planet some of these posters live on, but there is very little innocence with teenagers. They know way more than most adults today. Very worldly and not shocked. Anyone who has parented a teen knows this.<br /><br />Trust me, they know, they just don't care. There's only one thing teens are worried about and that is themselves. Same said for adult children.<br /><br />Put yourself in their place. If you knew this about one of your parents would you have taken sides?? No, it would be their problem and you would have been horrified over it and pissed off because maybe your prom plans had to change. I had a girlfriend whose husband of 25 years left her. Her 18 year old daughter was most pissed because it was two weeks before her senior prom and well now everything was just going to be awful for prom!!! No, not her Mom and her devastation, her prom. And this is a smart, sweet young lady.<br /><br />OK well that's all I have to say about that subject because this thread has gotten way too tedious for me.<br /><br />Can't fix stupid. Enough said!<br /><br />TryingHardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11598084690617343428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-63573798901678060632014-09-02T15:53:35.440-07:002014-09-02T15:53:35.440-07:00I agree that kids know something is going terribly...I agree that kids know something is going terribly wrong and to lie to them is a slap in the face to them. I agree with BS, there is a huge difference between honesty and bad mouthing. <br /><br />Shawn I get that you were very young and made some awful mistakes, Richard and you both did in your young years. It does make me wonder something though. In 25 years, when Jaymie gets cheated on by her husband, will you feel solace and compassion for her or will you think the devil got her due? <br /><br />A Loyal Reader who has been helped immensely by your story, who is anxiously awaiting the next installment, but just had to ask. ALRAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-49413340361251260072014-09-02T13:59:32.421-07:002014-09-02T13:59:32.421-07:00Lisa wrote: You haven't found your happy place...<b>Lisa wrote: You haven't found your happy place, that is clear by your comment replies and attacks on your spouse. He should be institutionalized (next to you) for putting up with this.</b><br /><br />Whoa whoa whoa, Lisa. <br /><br />I detect animosity toward Richard as well as Shawn. <br /><br />If you are hear because your spouse cheated. <br /><br />Do you really think YOU should be institutionalized for putting up with YOUR cheating spouse?<br /><br />Seriously your confusing posts in which you whipsaw between chastising Shawn for calling her husband a "cheating prick," and then claiming Richard should be institutionalized, are making my head spin. <br /><br />If you are NOT here because your spouse cheated....that's kinda' odd. <br /><br />I never visited blogs like this prior to experiencing infidelity. <br /><br />Can you tell us your story Lisa, so we won't be so confused?BSnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-1079532208765335072014-09-02T13:59:05.475-07:002014-09-02T13:59:05.475-07:00Lisa: I used the cheating prick reference to desc...Lisa: I used the cheating prick reference to describe Richard because that is how I felt about him the first night when I made him tell the kids. All the kids ever heard about the affair was that moment of minimal truth. <br />I wasn't gonna lie and say Richard was going away on business. No more LIES! Richard told them he had to leave. They asked why. He said because I've been dating someone else.<br />That's it. I sure as hell never told them your daddy is a cheating prick.<br /><br /><br />NOW>...about me being a cheater. I don't know how many times I can try to explain that I was young and VERY stupid. I got married too soon. We both cheated back then. <br />THE KEY...BACK THEN was over 25 years ago! I grew up. I started to care about our future. I committed to my marriage and starting a family. I thought he had, too. When he cheated with Jaymie he didn't just cheat on me. He cheated on our family. <br />You wanna hold me to the fire for something I did over 25 years ago, fine. Stop reading. <br /> <br />You can save your advice. I have no amends to make. My Road to Happy had an extended detour through Crazy Town, but it was the path I had to take to recover after DDay and reconcile with Richard. It wasn't pretty. If I knew then what I know now, I sure as hell would have searched high and low for a different path, but what's done is done. I made it. WE made it.<br />I think I covered all your questions even if you really didn't expect straight answers.<br />`shawn`shawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-20664028045464169152014-09-02T13:45:10.044-07:002014-09-02T13:45:10.044-07:00I agree with those who said even a 12 year old is ...I agree with those who said even a 12 year old is intelligent enough to figure out that an affair has taken place.<br /><br />Sometimes, too, they know before the faithful spouse knows and then they are burdened by whether or not to tell the loyal spouse. <br /><br />Yes, when a parent cheats, it puts their children in a terrible position. <br /><br />They may be exposed to embarrassing humiliating gossip about the cheating spouse, or they may have other issues to deal with due to gossip of the affair. <br /><br />But as for telling them the truth about the cheating spouse. ...Affairs are all about lies and secrecy and deception, and I think we all agree that is a terrible way to teach a child to interact with the people they love. <br /><br />So, in the end, would NOT telling lies to them about what is causing all the familial distress, be teaching them that telling lies, and hiding the truth is an okay behavior? <br /><br />Telling lies is not okay. The affair is about lies and secrecy. <br /><br />So, what message will continuing to lie to them about the reality of the marital issues send?<br /><br />As others have noted. The children likely already know about a parent's affair. <br /><br />So when they ask, why not show them respect by being honest. Why not show them by example that honesty is the best policy when dealing with loved ones. <br /><br />Badmouthing the spouse and telling the truth are two different topics. <br /><br />I don't think, even if divorced, a spouse should badmouth a spouse to the children. <br /><br />But telling them mom and dad are having conflict because one or the other had an affair is telling the truth. <br /><br />Now telling about affairs that occurred prior to the childrens' birth is not necessary, IMO. <br /><br />Only the affair in their present life is the affair that will adversely effect the child. <br />BSnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-9392663155232981832014-09-02T12:11:41.018-07:002014-09-02T12:11:41.018-07:00Shawn: I wasn't being snide or ignorant. I ...Shawn: I wasn't being snide or ignorant. I was just trying to understand the logic behind damaging the truly innocent. The ones that you are meant to protect. That may sound harsh and again snide, but it is a sincere question. Those are your flesh, what could they have possibly gained from having that information? Nothing, that was all about you.....<br /><br />Also, I'm having a hard time getting past the 'cheating prick" comment. Help me to understand why this was so much more worse than what you did or what he did previously? You both set a pattern of cheating until you decided you didn't want to play anymore. What was it about him f'ing Jamie that was different than the others or than the ones that you did? <br /><br />I can tell by some of the comments that you are helping some women here by putting your "this is what not to do" story out there. But, I think the fact that you did the same thing to him puts you in the same category as the "cheating prick". And if so, why why why would any women want to sympathize with you...You're one of them...HELLO!! I would probably have more respect for your intentions had you used fake names and protected your future with your husband. Thats what you said was your ultimate goal, right. Your road to happiness. <br /><br />This blog isn't about helping anyone but yourself. And if in the process you can continue to humiliate others then all the better.<br /><br />You haven't found your happy place, that is clear by your comment replies and attacks on your spouse. He should be institutionalized (next to you) for putting up with this.<br /><br />Time to set down that bag of rocks and maybe even start making some amends. Thats the only way your heart will ever heal the way God intents it to.<br /><br />save the grammar comments too, i know I'm a lousy speller. I can live with that.Lisanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-11460592423811529172014-08-30T09:36:57.379-07:002014-08-30T09:36:57.379-07:00Lisa: Are you effing kidding? Tell my kids about...Lisa: Are you effing kidding? Tell my kids about MY infidelities?? Are you being snide or are you just plain ignorant? What do you think? What purpose would that serve? Did I tell them about all of Richard's fuck buddies?? Hell to the NO! <br /><br />I didn't tell my kids anything. The very first night, when I was in total shock, when Richard wouldn't call Jaymie and break it off right away, when I sent him packing....I made Richard tell them.<br /><br />I wasn't gonna lie for that cheating prick. I was out of my mind with grief and disbelief. He told them he had been "dating" someone else. That's all they ever knew. When I visited Crazy Town, once in a while, I'd have to reassure them that Daddy and I were doing our best to work everything out but it might take a while. We told them not to worry. This was OUR problem and we WOULD fix it.<br /><br />All truth. Gentle honesty. No more lies!<br />Seriously...I know I said I wanted to take the hate comments down a notch and then I kind of lost it with this reply...BUT GEEZ!! Gimmee a little credit! Throwing Richard and Jaymie under the bus is one thing, but I have never suggested using the kids to do that!<br />Deep breath...and back to Hope & Hugs,<br />Shawnshawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-67291095357424983582014-08-28T16:20:29.039-07:002014-08-28T16:20:29.039-07:00Here's what I don't get. Do you think the...Here's what I don't get. Do you think they won't figure it out anyway? Especially if they are adults? 25 is an adult, 18 is an adult. 13 not so much but I would bet the adult sibling would fill them in. These adult children can form their own opinions about both parents and I'm sure they have and are probably fed up and disappointed in both of them. It really is too bad they can't be happy for their father and forgive him. <br /><br />I agree no bad mouthing the other parent in divorce. Doesn't serve anyone, especially the children. But Michelle doesn't say what the mother said to her kids. She blames the ex wife for telling them. Well I'm sorry but her and her husbands choices played a role too. The ex wife is the easy scape goat in this.TryingHardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11598084690617343428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-74344033199231441202014-08-28T16:04:07.484-07:002014-08-28T16:04:07.484-07:00As for telling the kids controversy.... I did not ...As for telling the kids controversy.... I did not want to tell my kids but in the days after Dday I was a complete mess. I was crying, not eating, sleeping either too much or not at all and my kids saw it (as much as I tried to hide it). Also, I made my WH leave for a week. He was suppose to be on a business trip. <br /><br />Anyway, my then 12 year old daughter, started investigating. She checked the history on my ipad (which had searches for infidelity) and actually called her godmother because she was so worried about me. Finally, one night she said, "Mom, I know what happened with Dad". Of course she didn't know all the details but she knew he had an A. I told my WH and they had a heart-to-heart. He explained that he never meant to hurt any of us and that the OW meant nothing to him. <br /><br />It has been 2 years since Dday and I still struggle. My daughter now is very supportive and recently told me she would understand if we ever divorced. She told me that she wanted me to be happy.<br /><br />I think each family needs to decide on their own if the children should know. My 10 year old still does not know....all he knows is that mommy and daddy had some issues to work through and that we both loved him very much. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-64999456045833330122014-08-28T13:51:24.484-07:002014-08-28T13:51:24.484-07:00Wow, wow, wow. Your comment section is getting co...Wow, wow, wow. Your comment section is getting competitive with your actual blog.<br /><br />Here's my opinion. Your children are half you and half him. To tell them anything negative about either person is wrong....end of story.<br /><br />I have a friend who constantly cheats on her spouse and she keeps saying "Well my mom was a cheater, so that's where I get it from"....Uhm, What?<br /><br />Just out of curiosity, did yo happen to inform them of your past infidelities?<br /><br />I know this blog is a healing process for you and for many. Lets not put our kinds in a cycle to have to heal as well.<br /><br />As you were.Lisanoreply@blogger.com