tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post4003874637330868831..comments2023-08-01T02:00:42.012-07:00Comments on A Year After the Affair: Send Him Packin'...or Notshawnthewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-31854159019450608652017-11-25T22:41:08.363-08:002017-11-25T22:41:08.363-08:00Yes, It is easier for me to do furious than sorrof...Yes, It is easier for me to do furious than sorroful, hopeless, and vulnerable. I used to think there was something wrong with me that I wasn't more hopeless in those early months. But my anger kept me going, because when I DO do hopeless, I am useless and depression takes me over. Which has happened now. Depressin has been my state of being for the last year. I cannot afford therapy. I am struggling through this alone. Since March, we have not had sex (he's too tired during the week and but by the weekend I'm too tired and not remotely interested. I began to ask him to please start again with me our relationship healing work, he would give me promises, then excuses, then ignore it. We no longer talk about how we're feeling. And I am now feeling utterly hopeless. I have been trying to do my healing work and convince him he needs some too, but it's too exhausting. I'm on the verge of giving up even my work. It feels I care more about the relationship than he does, but I cannot be the only one in it. His refusals to do the small things I've asked for healing and relationship growth have made him unsafe and untrustworthy. <br /><br />How do you convince the cheating husband that "sorry" is meangingless when there is no action to prove they mean it by actions? When they say 'I promise' but conitnue the behaviors and attitudes that lead us here, they are givning us empty promises.Winonanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-13777461506003466362013-01-15T08:28:46.500-08:002013-01-15T08:28:46.500-08:00(((Anonymous))) We understand how much you hurt. ...(((Anonymous))) We understand how much you hurt. It is a pain that can't be healed with words. It takes time....LOTS of time. And, it takes compassion and understanding by your WH. You don't say when your DDay was, but I can tell you I didn't begin to heal for over a year after DDay. Don't give up. It will get better.<br />Richard told Jaymie we had a good marriage, too. He said I was a good wife...but that there was no passion. He has changed his tune since DDay. He now knows that his affair had NOTHING to do with me. It was all about him. His lack of self-esteem. His selfishness and loss of his moral compass.<br />Please try to see a counselor for just you. Take care of JUST you. We all need support. You can also visit one of the online forums listed on the bottom of my blog's homepage, the Healing Heart or After the Betrayal. Lots of experience and empathy there.<br />Hope & Hugs, Shawnshawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-39191936945811485122013-01-14T14:31:35.416-08:002013-01-14T14:31:35.416-08:00My wh told me right from the beginninng that I had...My wh told me right from the beginninng that I had done nothing wrong. He even claimed to have told that to the BW. It doesn't make me feel any better! When I read the things in their text messages all I felt was heartbreak! I wanted so badly for him to be saying those things to me. I had tried so hard to be everything for him and I felt about him the way she claimed to as well. He used to say those things to me. I still sent things like that to him. god it hurts so much!<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-65415485634115243742012-05-01T09:10:42.769-07:002012-05-01T09:10:42.769-07:00Anonymous: Blogs like mine seem to be overwhelmin...Anonymous: Blogs like mine seem to be overwhelmingly visited by women that have cheating husbands. Thank you for reminding me that there are many men in pain out there, too. I am very sorry you are a member of the Betrayed Club.<br />Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. My blog is not written in real time. It is the story of my road to happy after DDay in 10/10. I've been writing for 5 months but I've only told two months worth of my struggle.<br />The advice you offered is right on point. I hope others read your comment and take it to heart. I also recommend a wonderful message board, called the Healing Heart. The compassionate, people of that forum saved me.<br />www.network54.com/Forum/233195/<br />Thanks for commenting. Feel free to share your story here. When we share our experiences, we may help another.<br />Hope & Hugs,<br />Shawnshawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-68590668050009468452012-04-30T23:55:22.535-07:002012-04-30T23:55:22.535-07:00Dear Shawn,
My wife cheated on me with another man...Dear Shawn,<br />My wife cheated on me with another man. It was really hard to live through that. Every daily task (especially work) became an incredible burden. Invasive thoughts were the worst...and the lack of sleep was obvious to friends and co-workers...And I could not tell them what the reason was.<br />However, it does get better...Better for you...maybe not for your marriage. <br />Counseling will help. <br />Stay away from alcohol and drugs and try to find time to exercise. I know it sounds stupid but it will help.<br />Try to concentrate on the small things. Did I say counseling will help?...Counseling will help. Seek help from a professional. Friends and people commenting on your blog are full of good intentions but an experience professional will be much better.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-33914380252531733612012-04-27T21:43:12.195-07:002012-04-27T21:43:12.195-07:00Dito on the shawn is right. No matter what they h...Dito on the shawn is right. No matter what they have, everything or nothing they can't be happy. none of it is our fault. once I realized this truth, I didnt allow him to try and blame me anymore.Scabshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13738638161899826056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-34515889164849556532012-04-22T11:35:28.074-07:002012-04-22T11:35:28.074-07:00Shawn is right. It's not about us. It never ...Shawn is right. It's not about us. It never is. We could be perfect, and it still wouldn't matter. It isn't really even about their affair partner either. It's about THEM. And what's effed up in their mind.<br /><br />I mean, my wayward husband had an affair on the tail of 4 years of chronic illness for me, we have 5 beautiful children, he's the child of divorce because of infidelity. I never ever thought he'd cheat...until he did. <br /><br />It is NOT your fault. They made the choice, a decisive choice that has nothing to do with US.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15207748302787499826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-247896107652151842012-04-22T07:59:46.574-07:002012-04-22T07:59:46.574-07:00Good Morning, Beautiful HB: Thank you for your no...Good Morning, Beautiful HB: Thank you for your note. It got me a little fired up today. I like that.<br /><br />First: Not a chance I'm gonna let you slide with, "What WE must have done so wrong" line! YOU did nothing wrong! Please repeat that like a mantra! You could have been the perfect Stepford wife, the best cook, gorgeous, attentive and mom of the year..it wouldn't matter! <br />You are right on with "If only he would CHOOSE". He chose to cheat. His choice sucked. It's on him to do the work to redeem himself. It's on you to take care of yourself and that includes not blaming yourself for your wayward husband's lousy judgement.<br />I say all that with empathy and love in my heart. Sorry if it sounded too much like a lecture.<br />Second:<br />The loss of what my marriage WAS is still a deep ache 18 months post DDay. I have accepted my marriage will never be the same again, nor will I or my wayward husband. Acceptance is much tougher than you'd think. I mean, this is the situation, this is my new reality, might as well ACCEPT it, right? Oh, no! There was some substantial time spent beating my head against the wall first. <br /><br />I try to rationalize that I can find something good out of the massive quantity of bad. Richard and I could have a better marriage, different, A LOT different, but maybe better. <br />I know I'm gonna be stronger. I know I'm gonna be smarter. That right there is two notches in my win column.<br />I don't want to be the woman I was pre-DDay. I'm adapting, evolving, surviving and thriving. I'm doing this while praying my wayward husband continues to improve himself, too. We have a lot to learn.<br />I'm truly sorry you are in this painful place, but I'm grateful you found us. <br />Hope & Hugs, Shawnshawnthewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12655900090203024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3421316648540911532.post-33995074574800911362012-04-21T16:40:12.812-07:002012-04-21T16:40:12.812-07:00Wow! Your so strong! I must say...the way you desc...Wow! Your so strong! I must say...the way you described your husband before the reality hit, how he was your rock, your everything and fixed everything...that is how I once felt of my marriage. How I had total trust in him. It hurts because I still see he has the ability to be THAT man, IF HE WOULD ONLY CHOOSE to be that man! Heavenly Father once showed me how amazing he is designed to be, and I only wonder what we must have done so wrong that this is no longer my reality? It hurts because I want that man back, and yet don't believe I could find him anywhere else. Hang in there beautiful lady!!Beautiful Heartbreakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11675080413335456488noreply@blogger.com