Blood is Thicker than Truth

I've had a few conversations recently with other betrayed wives that feel the need or, more accurately, are obsessed with the thought of outing the affair partner/slut/whore-bag to her family and friends.  Welcome to my world for the first year after the affair.

There is something to be said about telling her husband.  I think that's different from telling her parents, her co-workers, her close friends or YIKES...her kids.  Her husband is directly involved, personally affected.  He deserves to know.  Does that punish her?  Let's hope to hell so, but chances are, you won't get to watch.  Bummer, huh?

It is perfectly normal after DDay to hate the other woman and want to see her suffer while we watch and cheer her demise.  Filling her loved ones in on her secret life sounds like a sure fire way to punish the bitch.  Not so much.  That incessant pull on your gut to shame the other woman won't work out the way you hope, the way you've imagined in your beat up brain.
It's a flawed plan.  I'm gonna tell you why.

First, no matter how badly you think you can hurt her, you can NEVER hurt her the way she hurt you.  Never.  The pain of a betrayed spouse is unique in it's magnitude.  You know that to be true.
And then there's this....the way we imagine the payback going down in our heads is usually not what transpires in the real world.  I'll use my mistakes to prove my point.  When I realized how scared Jaymie was of her parents finding out about her open legs policy, I thought it would feel great to tell her dad!  Couldn't wait to rub Daddy James face in the entire pile of steamy, hot bullshit!  I imagined the scenario would go something like this:  
Me:  Your daughter had an affair with my husband.
Daddy James:  What?  Jaymie couldn't be that stupid!  She slept with an old married man?  Oh, dear Jesus!  Jaymie!  Get your sorry ass in here!  Richard's wife, Shawn, is on the phone.  She says you have been engaging in sex with Richard.  Is this true?????

Yeah..I was looking for a big reward.  A drama filled ass kicking laden with humiliation for Jaymie.

So I did it.  Called him.  Told him.  No ass kicking to be heard.  Instead, he prayed for me.  After that call, I sobbed for hours.  Did I ever see any of the fallout?  Would I ever hear him rip his naughty kid a big, fat new one?  Did I get to know without any shadow of a doubt that Daddy James chastised his baby whore of a daughter for days?
Nope.  Nada.  Nothin'.  

As you know, I frequently gave in to my thirst for payback.  I hope you don't because the addiction of revenge wraps around your heart and if you don't get high enough off your efforts, you gotta go bigger.  Please let me save some of you ladies the trouble, the additional pain and the wasted energy.  If the person you tell is someone important in the other woman's life, they will care about her well being.  Yours...not so much.
More likely than not, they will take her side.  Blood is thicker than truth.  Blood trumps truth.  You spill your pain all over them and they lash out at you to fight it off.    
Just what we need.  More negativity in our lives after DDay!
They will take her side and if you persist, as I did, to remind them of their loved one's major mistakes, they will begin to hate you and it might get ugly.

Without my knowledge, and much to my chagrin, Geek Boy Kevin and Daddy James had joined forces.  Daddy James now knew I only went to his church in my efforts to score the emails.  I had no intention of seeking a divine repair of my broken heart.  
The email I received on August 19th, 2011 at 10:00am should validate my position above.
He copied Richard and the Pastor of the church.

Shawn:  Let me call this straight- This is pure bullshit.  You visited the church, sat in the back row long enough to gather some names, and left before the service was done. All in an effort to gain data to continue your vendetta.  (Jeff, sorry but I have to call it as I see it…)

 

 Just because someone greeted you does not mean you are in counseling.  If you show up at the church again, you may receive counseling, but not in the way you think. In my opinion the hole in your soul has to be pretty big that you continually try new things to fill it.

 

Do you think I’m that stupid to fall for this?  My relationship with Jeff is that I can tell him everything and not worry about what or how he feels about me or my family.  Believe me, he has heard worst- all your story did was make him very angry that you tried to use him and the church for your own personal gain (I have never seen him that angry before…interesting how he called me back two days later to tell me he was still fuming).  “Mess with the flock, and watch the shepherd go after the wolf”.

 

Ø  Get over it- you have stepped over the bounds and breached our written agreement.  I’m checking into my legal rights about that now.

 

Final word- Your predatory and aggressive behavior needs to be shut down.  You continually going after a 24 year old girl (just out of a broken relationship & lost job who was courted hard by a professional) by harassing her friends and trying to scheme up new ways to be a bitch shows you are exactly the type of woman who your husband didn’t want to be with.  Deal with the 55 year old professional man who has done this in the past and recognize he just ain’t happy with the woman he is tied to (although I can’t imagine why. You being all sweet and everything…).

 

Done done done… I do not want to hear from you Shawn EVER again! I do not want you to call anyone that has a relationship with Jaymie. I do not want to have anyone stalk her or anyone in our circle of friends. Phone calls, emails, it all stops now!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Richard, you handle this from now on.  She is a pest and a bother and frankly; I’m tired of her poor behavior.  If she isn’t happy with her current arrangement, you fix it.  We did what we had to do based on what she wanted for closure, and we closed the door. I have the signed agreement that we fulfilled- I guess her word is not worth the paper it is written on. Again, I’m taking as much legal action as I’m, allowed to in this instance. 

 

Richard- if you want all of the emails and the records of her phone calls to our friends, we can deliver them to you for proof of her vindictive and threatening behavior. We do not feel safe with her stalking us, and will alert the proper authorities and get her off of the street.  (I believe there are laws enacted as a result of Nicole Simpson’s death that have strong bearing here).

 

You have permission to respond to this email. Shawn does not.  Jeff- thank you for your standing with me on this.  I covet your prayers for wisdom as I go forward with this.

 

Jim

 

 I had spread the ugliness that was the affair all over the fucking place.  I told Jaymie's parents, her new boyfriend and her old boss.  I gained nothing from any of it.  There was no relief from the black hole of my life to be found from outing Jaymie to her friends and family.  After I read that email, I spent days more depressed than I had been in months.  Crushed emotionally and mentally.
Spare yourselves.  Blood will always be thicker than truth.  Focus your efforts at home where your Blood resides.  I wish I had.