I didn't have to wait long for a reply from Daddy James. My email to him sharing my experience at HIS church, with HIS friends made him jump right up and kick into damage control mode with a large dose of caution and a substantial degree of trepidation. He went straight to the Lord to try and keep me in line. As soon as I got his email, I furiously typed a response. His words are in black. My response is in red.
Shawn,
Wow- What a revelation. Your email impresses me but… it also worries me in one area.You have to know that I have never shared your troubled relationship with anyone but my wife Karen. Even No one in my family knows about the adultery (calling it what it was) . I don't imagine you did. To do so would also share your daughter's part in the adultery. To be honest I’m concerned about what you may have said about my daughter to others. Jaymie made a grievous error and chose to do something very wrong. But I don’t want to crucify her or make her a public example for what she did. Of course you don't, but maybe it would be good for her to admit her part and ask for forgiveness. God knows, there is a HUGE lesson to be learned for all of us. Maybe she could go with me to "tag" team. I will be talking about the affair. They will all know my name, Richard's name, why not hers? Or...perhaps if she let me know that she has sincere remorse, that she has at least some idea of how her choices ruined my life, maybe I could go to church and not use any last names at all. They were very nice not to ask my last name on Sunday. She would have to email or call me and plead her case for herself, otherwise, I see no reason to be discreet. I do not know if you specifically mentioned her name in counseling. So I ask you to please not make this part of your clearing the air.God knows who was involved- I know Pastor Jeff, Crystal, Madeline, and Bill personally, and they know my family very well too.I’m glad you are seeking healing; Have been searching for nearly a year. Tough road. and I know you will find forgiveness through Christ. Would you please explain why I need to seek forgiveness? What did I do? Do you mean find forgiveness for Jaymie and Richard? That truly would be a miracle. I am only hoping to find peace and acceptance to live with all the hurt and anger. Forgiveness isn't even on my radar! I would encourage you to continue a new life in Jesus. One of my favorite verses is II Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old things have passed away, new things have come.” It was for my salvation and healing as well…Through this may you also find “the peace that surpasses all comprehension…” (Philippians 4:6-7).God bless you and may He keep you close. Thank you.Jim
As much as it shames me to admit it...I was elated by this email!! Ecstatic! Jubilant even! I had made Daddy James worry (I might even say freak out!) about poor Jaymie's public reputation. I reveled in the fact that was making him squirm! I was feeling oh, so happy with myself so I sent the above dialog to Richard with the heading: "I am SOOOO Going to Hell!" I sent it to him because I knew he would be MORTIFIED that I was taunting Daddy James! Richard didn't care what I did to him. He didn't care who I told about what he did, but dragging Jaymie's family into my Anger Abyss made him cringe!
At times, that just pissed me off more. Why in the hell did he care what happened to any of them? They were nothing! They were irrelevant! (Except to the continued loss of my mind) It was all Jaymie's fault! If only she had sent me the emails her family would never have had to know she was stupid enough to spread her legs for a 60 year old married man.
Richard never tried to stop me as I travelled through Crazy Town blaming Jaymie for buying my entrance ticket along the way. Sometimes I was even able to get him to carry my luggage. Richard was as broken as I was. Not angry, just severely depressed and guilt ridden. I used that to my advantage.
Are you surprised or appalled that I can let myself off the hook and not harbor guilt? I do not blame myself for my time in Crazy Town, but this part of Crazy Town was where few ever venture and was much too close to Hell. Very soon I would begin to feel the heat.
