After an affair, your life doesn't belong to you anymore. For over a year, I couldn't control my own thoughts.
The turmoil in my head was viciously repetitive but savagely random. With this blog, I began to exorcise the demons holding my head hostage.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Shocker on our 5th Anti-versary

I started to write this little news flash as a comment in my previous post, but thought better of it. In my opinion, this surprising occurrence warrants it's own piece of cyberspace and I'll probably get long winded as usual!

Last month (that's September...for those of you reading at various times of the year) was the 5th Anti-versary of the time my husband temporarily lost his mind and began boffing a 24 year old girl, she who shall not be named. (At least not on this blog.  Her name sure pops up in the comments and in my email from time to time)  Lots and lots of days in that month used to trigger my ass in a big way.  I know so many details of what they did together, where they did it and on what day at which time.
Too MANY details.
That calls for a little reminder to those of you fresh into the mess of betrayal:
Ask for details if you must, but please remember this....Once you know it, you can't unknow it and the details become brainworms that can eat away at your soul.  Infidelity can cause PTSD.  PTSD can cause obsessive thinking.  Brainworms are wicked ammunition.

Back to the shocker of the moment!
This year, there wasn't a single day in month of September that drew me backward.
Oh, how I would torment myself, rehashing every day of that horrid month just a few short years ago! Hell, a year ago!
Imagine my surprise when I finally realized the month had passed with no sadness, no remorse, no heartache or melancholy of any kind.
Not a single dark memory of my husband's betrayal infected my life.


That was just a surprise, a very pleasant surprise to be sure, but not a shocker.  I expected I'd get to a point where I was far enough down my Road to Happy that I couldn't see Crazy Town in my rear view mirror.  What I didn't know is that when you get to a place of real healing, you may not know you made it!  The month was almost completely over without the realization that I had truly taken a leap forward in my recovery until the shocker, happened in my damn kitchen.

Richard says this as we are cleaning up dinner dishes the other night,
"Thanks for keeping me."

In my moving on down the Road to Happy mind that remark came out of left field.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, totally giving him my confused as hell tone.

"I know what month it is."  He said quietly.  "I just wanted you to know, I know. And I'm still sorry and thank you for keeping me, keeping us."

My jaw dropped.  A bird could have flown in and nested.  I had to turn back to the sink, away from my thoughtful hubby, because I needed a minute to process what I just heard.
I didn't remember it was the 5 Year Anti-versary month, but Richard did!  I mean, I knew it was 5 years, but the month didn't matter.  The specific days had not occured to me but now here it was, being brought to the forefront of my conscious mind by my loving spouse.
Shocked.  Knock me over with a feather shocked.

In my last post I wrote that I thought Richard never wanted the affair to be spoken of again.
Shows you how much I freaking know so consider that if you read the rest of this blog!
My advice my not be worth the paper it's written on!

My ex-cheater husband shocked me into the reality that I've moved past the pain.
I couldn't tell you when it happened, but here it is.
If it wasn't for him, I might have missed the entire event.
I'm sure glad he shocked me.  Realizing I actually enjoyed September is pretty damn great.