After an affair, your life doesn't belong to you anymore. For over a year, I couldn't control my own thoughts.
The turmoil in my head was viciously repetitive but savagely random. With this blog, I began to exorcise the demons holding my head hostage.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Where to go from Here?

I've been taking a little time to consider where this blog should go from here.  When I started writing on December 1st, 2011, I had less than no idea of where this path on my Road to Happy might take me.  Back then, I didn't even know about the elusive Road to Happy.   I couldn't see anything joyful.  I was much too wrapped up in my misery.
At that low point, the Road to Happy was an unknown entity.  Since DDay in October of 2010,  I had established residence in Crazy Town.  To find a Road to Happy that led out of that dismal, convoluted habitat I required the combined skills of Vasco de Gama and Sigmund Freud....OR other betrayed spouses that had traveled the Road before me.  They were my Map.   This blog was the path that led me to that map.

That first day, when I turned to the screen of my iMac longing for an electronic epiphany, I don't remember what I was looking for.  I know I started the blog before I began to surf the web searching for other possible remedies for my plight.  I spent hours that first day online.
Where in the hell did I get the idea to write a blog?  Beats me.  I had never read a blog, any blog, not even one about cooking or child rearing or the latest fashion trends.  Before that day, I had never visited a single web site that offered advice about Surviving Infidelity. (which was the first online forum I found.  It was so big it over-whelmed me.  One size does not fit all.  Soon I found the Healing Heart. It was a much better fit.  I felt so safe there.)
Googling 'how to heal after you discover your spouse is a cheating bastard' just never occurred to me.  Guess I'm kind of old school, but more than that....I think I wasn't ready to start walking my Road until I was ready to let "She who will no longer be named" go.
(That's right.  No more "J" name around here.  I might refer to her in a derogatory way from time to time, but I will not be typing her name on the pages of this blog again)

When you're ready to find your Road and take strong strides forward, you'll know.   It's a surge in your attitude, good or bad.  It could be a renewed sense of determination....or in my case, elevated desperation.  That's when you'll reach out for help.  It might be in the form of finding a new therapist.  Maybe a lengthy trip to the local Barnes and Noble self help section.  For me, it was extended time in cyber space and an urgency to empty the venom out of my soul.

Now that my story of "A Year After the Affair" is done, we have an opportunity to morph this blog into whatever we desire.  Here's the way I see it...
I'll do my best to post when I have a fresh thought I deem beneficial to other betrayed spouses in need of a little GPS. (Girl Powered Support!)
BUT....this blog would be better, greater, helpfuler, (that should be a real word!) if All of You shared your experiences here as well.  We should work together to transform this blog from it's beastly beginnings to a safe sanctuary for others that have yet to find their map, or even the desire to start looking for their Road to Happy.
Please send any topics, questions or experiences you want to share to my email:
All views and members of the adultery triangle welcome with one stipulation only...
No haters allowed!
That's it.  Simple enough.

Thank you for being my Map, my guides and my motivation.
This blog was the first path on my Road to Happy.  I really hope it can be a least a stepping stone on the Road for other betrayed spouses, too.
Hope & Hugs, my Friends.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

The End of Jaymie...For Real!

~~~Thanks so much for your patience as I worked to finish the story of my day in court.  This last post got a little protracted and took way too much time to write, but I promised I would finish this weekend and I did!  Go me!!~~~

After 'D' propitiously placed Nikki and I as far away from Jaymie and the Back Up Boys as possible in the rather cramped quarters of the court room, he retreated.  To where, I had no idea.  I couldn't very well turn around to see where he had ventured off to because to do so, meant showing a full face frontal to Jaymie and the Back Up Boys.  (do I stay with the new combined male moniker or apply the old handles of Daddy James and Geek Boy Kevin?  Back Up Boys seems to be so much more concise and expedient.  Wish I had thought of it sooner. is the last time I intend to write their respective names in this blog except maybe in the comments section....Perhaps they deserve to be declared individually....Mmmmmm.....pondering....wasting screen space and your time....Sorry about that....I'm gonna go with specific personalization since this is their last hurrah!  I'm certain they would appreciate the extra effort of the additional key strokes.)
Where was I?  Oh, yeah.  Where in the hell was 'D' going?  Nikki whispered, almost in panic mode, "Where's he going?  Why is he leaving us here?  Don't you feel vulnerable without him?"

NOPE.  I didn't.  I can't really explain it.  Nerves should have had me fidgeting and uptight.  You'd think I'd have been straining to keep my morning tea down.  At the very least, I should have needed to pee again in a major way.
My calm and unruffled demeanor surprised and pleased me.  I almost felt like the Old Me.  Strong.  Confident.  Self-reliant.  Maybe even a little Spunky!  I don't mean I was gonna jump up and get all sassy and bossy with the judge and bailiff in close proximity, I'm merely saying I felt OK about whatever was gonna happen.
What were the possible outcomes here?
1.  Jaymie gets her way and decides to fight it out with me. We share stories of despicable debauchery  with anyone within ear shot and in the end I am slapped with a restraining order listed with all law enforcement agencies in the country for three years.  OR...
2.  Jaymie backs her skinny ass down and we stick with the Non-Clets order, also valid for three years, the judge approves it, we sign it and Richard and Jaymie get to retain some small measure of dignity by not discussing their shameful behavior in open court.

Either way....I'm golden, People!  Jaymie will be out of my life.  Sure, I preferred the second scenario because always getting the extra pat-down when you fly could get old, but other than that, I just wasn't overly concerned.  Jaymie and I both wanted the same thing. (No, I don't mean Richard.)  She wanted me WAY gone and I finally wanted no more of her either.
This would be my Independence Day no matter the outcome.

Nikki and I sat quietly and listened to the first few cases.  MAN!  There are some authentically fucked up people on the planet! (I know. For a while, I was one of them.) Scary shit.  I'm not kidding.  To this day, I wonder if this one woman that was seeking a permanent order against a stalker old boyfriend is living safe and sound.  Made me shudder!  I sent some nasty emails and visited a church.  That guy was following the poor woman everywhere and trashing her property.
Put anything in perspective, Jaymie??  Maybe we could make this go away, huh?

Again...NOPE.  'D' comes back and quietly spoke to me saying he had been talking with Jaymie in the hall and she wanted to move forward with the Clets order.  He could not convince her otherwise. Our case would be heard next.
OK.  So be it.  Our case was called and we moved to the desks in front of the judge.  Now our seats faced one another.  I made sure Jaymie saw me look her right in the eyes.  Not a threatening gaze, just a glance that said what the angels of the Healing Heart had shared, "Hold your head up.  Be strong.  You did nothing wrong."  After that first eye contact, she never looked at me again.

Then, I sat down next to 'D', crossed my arms on the desk with my wedding ring hand on top pointed toward Jaymie like a laser beam.  That just felt right.
Jaymie was all on her lonesome at her desk, she never sat, looking very timid, very distressed and kind of wretched.  She had a folder presumable chalked full of copies of email I had sent.
Awesome.  Let's read every one out loud.

There was no swearing in.  Nothing formal at all.  Just the judge asking Jaymie simple questions.  Maybe he was purposely dumbing it down for the frightened pixie.  He told her he knew that there had been a Non-Clets agreement signed yesterday but she had chosen to disallow that document to be approved today.  He was bewildered by that decision. He asked, "Why is that, Ms. Sim****?"

Jaymie, in a barely audible tone answered with something that sounded like, "She has a lawyer and I don't."  (Waaaaaaaaa!  Want some cheese with that whine??)
The judge was ever so patient. "Why are you here, Ms. Sim****?"

To me that meant...Let's get the party started, shall we?

"A year ago I had affair with her husband.  She has been harassing me since she found out."

Harassing is such a subjective term, but there are legal standards.  The judge sensed our case was not going to reach the level of LEGAL harassment and right away, he started to steer toward the path of least resistance.  He asked 'D' if he hoped the Non-Clets order could still be implemented.  'D' assured him, "Absolutely, your Honor.  We believe we all want the same thing here."

Back to the whiner, "Ms. Sim****, are you alone here today?"
"No. My Dad and boyfriend came, too."
"Why don't we have your father join you at the plaintiff's table?"
Daddy James maneuvered through the maze of chairs up to the front of the court to sit next to his darling baby whore bag. (Some of you hate when I resort to name calling, but I plead for your understanding here.  This is my FINAL post about Jaymie!  Allow me a little leeway.)

The judge welcomed Daddy James to his courtroom and then the cajoling began.  I'm paraphrasing here...the judge started with:
Ms. Sim****, I have read the Non-Clets order and it appears to be very thorough.  Maybe we could begin by reviewing it and see where you feel it may not be what you are looking for.
Then he asked Daddy James to take a moment and discuss the options available to his daughter with her and perhaps offer advice on how to proceed.

That may not have been exactly what His Honor said, but what he meant was clear enough.
Jaymie has every right to plead her case, but she could walk out of here with no order at all if she pushed her luck.  The bird in the hand, the Non-Clets order, was looking pretty good.  She may want to reconsider.

After a few awkward moments of the hushed conference between Daddy James and Jaymie, the judge asked them if they had any questions.
"May we speak to Mr. 'D' outside for a moment?"
The Judge with the patience of Job, nodded to 'D' and 'D' couldn't get to the door quick enough.
After they left, I moved back to sit with Nikki, wondering aloud, but discreetly, about how poor, poor Richard might be holding up out there.  I can't fully express to you what a mental train wreck he was.  I took some measure of satisfaction in that.

A recess was taken in our case and the Judge heard another while Jaymie met with 'D' and Daddy in the hall.  Later, 'D' would share that Jaymie was easily convinced by Daddy James to move on and let it go.  Ironic that is exactly what so many (stupid) people say to betrayed spouses, right?
'D' only had to assure her that if any of the specifics of the Non-Clets order were violated by me within the three year period, the order would automatically revert to a full Clets restraining order, then he left the two of them to confabulate.

'D' returned to his seat next to me.  All we could do now was wait.  Soon, Daddy James returned alone to his perch next to Geek Boy in the back.  Maybe Jaymie had to potty.  Less than 5 minutes after Daddy James, Jaymie came back, almost rushing through the doors.  Weird.
'D' stepped toward the back to ask if they were ready.  They said yes.  After the current case being heard was completed, he informed the bailiff that we were ready to proceed.

Back to the desks in our previous positions, the judge asks, "Ms. Sim****?  What have you decided?"
"I want to add something to the Non-Clets order and then I'll sign it."
"What is it you want to add?"

Get ready....You are gonna LOVE this!!

"She has to keep her husband away from me, too!"  
I almost laughed out loud right there!
I know I sucked in a quick breath and held it for a while with my lips pinched together.  The idea was just so absurd!  'D' didn't need to ask me if I would approve such an addition to the order.  He felt he could answer for me.
"We would be fine with the addition, Your Honor.  I will write it in now."

The very smart judge knew the not-so-smart plaintiff was moving toward the outcome he had desired from the get-go.  Even though this was a totally non-enforceable requirement in the order, he nodded his approval.  The bailiff handed the agreement to 'D'.  He made the changes.  I initialed them. (while doing my best not to snicker!) The agreement was given back to Jaymie, then the bailiff again, who gave it to the judge, who passed it to the clerk.

It was a done deal.  Up until this point, I hadn't said a word.  No one had even said my name except the bailiff when he called our case.  But, now the judge turned to me.

"Mrs. Fe****, do you fully understand that if you violate this Non-Clets order you will find yourself right back in here?"
I answered him succinctly and loudly enough for all to hear, "Your Honor, I never want to see or hear from Ms. Sim**** ever again.  Thank you for your time."

Alrighty then!!  We're outta there!  Jaymie, Daddy James and Geek Boy Kevin left first.  'D' said he needed to stay and finalize the order with the clerk.  He would meet us in the hall with Richard.

I was jubilant! Back in the hall, Richard was sitting close to the doors.  I guess he saw our smiles because he went from frightened puppy face to the look of a man that had just been pardoned from death row.
I couldn't wait to tell him about the new clause Jaymie added to the order.  I had to keep HIM away from HER!  Hilarious, right?

He dropped his head.  He said he knew why she added that.
When Jaymie and her Daddy were in the hall, Richard had been in the men's room.  Richard had completed his piss just as Daddy James left Jaymie alone in the hall.  Richard saw what he thought was a boy with his head down in a book sitting by the doors of the courtroom.  He walked toward him (her!) to take the seat he had been in pre-pee-pee trip.  He (she!) looked up at him and he smiled.
Then, a second too late...he realized his mistake!  Damn his poor vision!  Damn, Jaymie's boyish new hair cut!  Panic setting in!!  He starts to retreat just as Jaymie leaps to her feet and makes for the safety of the court to announce the addition to the order.
I wish I could've been a fly on the wall for that accidental encounter!
The perfect ending.  Nearly poetic.

The only way this day was gonna get any better was if I took my friend, Nikki, to a fine lunch, with wine and then did a little shopping at Nordstrom.  So, that's exactly what I did.

Bye, Bye, Bitch Whore.  THE END.