Saturday, January 7, 2012
"The Fog" refers to the mindset of the cheater, or wayward spouse. It's a fantasy place. A place where no one asks the cheater to take out the trash or drive the kids to soccer practice. A place where Jaymie took Richard by sending him emails and texts that told him how amazing he was, how special. Where the sex is new and exciting and the phone conversations pulse adrenalin through every fiber of the body. Can you remember what it felt like when you fell in love for the first time? Your heart jumps every time the phone rings and you always feel a few butterflies in your tummy. Pretty good feeling, right? You bet. Especially for a man that feels he's getting old and has lost much of his self-esteem. Mid-life crisis opens the door to the "The Fog".
I must have asked him a dozen times why he wouldn't call her! It was just so surreal, completely out of character for him. He insisted he had to do it his own way, in his own time. I asked what he would tell the kids? Of couse, he wanted to say he had to go away for the night for work, but there was no way in hell I would stand for more lies. Besides, in my mind, he wasn't just going for one night. At that point I had no idea how long he'd be gone, maybe forever. I told him he was going to tell them the truth. He needed to face the pain that he had caused to our family.
We called the kids outside. Our daughter had just turned 17 and our son was nearly 13. They listened as Richard told them that he HAD to leave. I think that was his way of saying...this is Mommy's idea, not mine. Without missing a beat, our son asked, "What did you do?" With his head down, Richard answered, "I've been dating someone else." Our daughter began to cry, but she managed to say one thing to him before they both walked away from us. "That's a crappy thing to do."
Truly, she understood the situation perfectly. It was the crappiest thing a husband and father could do. Selfish, cruel and more likely than not, unforgivable. Betrayal of this magnitude cuts deeper than you can imagine. I have always abhorred men that cheated. Richard knew that about me. I mean, who doesn't? They are low life, chickenshit scum bags that want their wives to keep washing their underwear while they create a separate fantasy life for themselves. It's disgusting! You want another life? Tell your wife!! Maybe she'd like that kind of life, too. But, he thought he deserved a mistress. Yep. Those were his words.
I watched him pack. I told him to be sure and take enough socks and underwear, all of which, I had been washing for the past 30 years.