Thursday, February 21, 2013
No Emails for Me! Damn it!
Once again...that didn't work out for me. Damn it!
Nothing was working for me. What I needed to do was admit how badly I had been hurt. Face the level of despair I felt. Deal with the agony I had been trying so hard to ignore. Nope. I wasn't strong enough for that.
Instead, to avoid the debilitating sorrow, I hyper focused on the emails. That meant moving forward was not an option. I was stuck. The emails were like a big, brick barricade and my only way through it was Jaymie. She was the key to the lock on any chance of me getting through the brick wall. In my intensely confused mind, the emails were essential to my recovery. No one was gonna tell me different! I thought if only I could figure out WHY Richard cheated, WHAT Jaymie had that I lacked and HOW I missed all the red flags, I could maneuver through the massive marital maze, knock down the brick barricade and come up smelling like a rose on the other side, finally on the Road to Happy.
The map to begin that ill conceived journey was contained in the emails and to get to those, I had to get to Jaymie.
My first desperate idea was to sue Jaymie for Alienation of Affections. For those of you that don't know what that means....Alienation of Affections is a tort, a legal civil action, brought by a spouse against a third party alleged to be responsible for the failure of the marriage. It's usually a betrayed spouse suing the affair partner.
How's that for thinking out of the box/padded cell?
Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, Richard informed me that here in Californication, the court no longer recognizes this archaic law. Damn it again! Back to drawing board.
BTW, in case you're considering acting out irrationally after betrayal...states that still allow for this legal action are Hawaii, Illinois, North Carolina, Mississippi, New Mexico, South Dakota and Utah.
Not encouraging you, just sayin...
When the legal system failed me, I went back to trying to contact Jaymie directly. At first, I sent her pictures of all of us since DDay. Richard, me and the kiddos skiing, at Sea World, in front of our Christmas tree, all smiling and looking happy as pigs in shit. I was good at pretending. Reminded her that Richard had told her lies upon lies just to get her naked!! Shredding her ability to trust her own judgement. That was called justice!
I thought for sure I could get her pissed enough at Richard to help me.
Yea...you guessed it...Damn it, again!
No emails for me!
My emails to Jaymie began to take on a more vindictive tone, referring to Richard as her "Cash Cow". Asking if she was busy milking a fresh married man. Truly traveling the lowest of low roads trying to get her angry enough to send me the emails just to get me to go away. Being ignored did nothing to improve my mood!
Damn it, again!! So frustrating, annoying and completely unsatisfying!! No emails for me!
I had to know (Correction... I THOUGHT I had to know) if she was reading any of the email. If the address I had for her was still up and running. I got smart (No. Not smart. Increasingly dumb.) and sent an email to her from Richard's email address. I copied an old email he had sent her before the affair began that I could still access referring to a happy hour she shared with him and the other office staff.
The email to her, written as if sent by Richard said, "Remembering this day. It was good. So was most of the time I spent with you."
Her response, "Have the decency to leave me the fuck alone." Yippee! That was all I needed!
Now that I knew she was getting the email, I doubled my efforts. I decided manipulating her wasn't the best approach. I was upping the ante. Coercion seemed like the way to go.
The lovely Dr. K kept telling me, I needed to focus on healing at home.
Why didn't I listen more in counseling??? Damn IT!