There is something to be said about telling her husband. I think that's different from telling her parents, her co-workers, her close friends or YIKES...her kids. Her husband is directly involved, personally affected. He deserves to know. Does that punish her? Let's hope to hell so, but chances are, you won't get to watch. Bummer, huh?
It is perfectly normal after DDay to hate the other woman and want to see her suffer while we watch and cheer her demise. Filling her loved ones in on her secret life sounds like a sure fire way to punish the bitch. Not so much. That incessant pull on your gut to shame the other woman won't work out the way you hope, the way you've imagined in your beat up brain.
It's a flawed plan. I'm gonna tell you why.
First, no matter how badly you think you can hurt her, you can NEVER hurt her the way she hurt you. Never. The pain of a betrayed spouse is unique in it's magnitude. You know that to be true.
And then there's this....the way we imagine the payback going down in our heads is usually not what transpires in the real world. I'll use my mistakes to prove my point. When I realized how scared Jaymie was of her parents finding out about her open legs policy, I thought it would feel great to tell her dad! Couldn't wait to rub Daddy James face in the entire pile of steamy, hot bullshit! I imagined the scenario would go something like this:
Me: Your daughter had an affair with my husband.
Daddy James: What? Jaymie couldn't be that stupid! She slept with an old married man? Oh, dear Jesus! Jaymie! Get your sorry ass in here! Richard's wife, Shawn, is on the phone. She says you have been engaging in sex with Richard. Is this true?????
Yeah..I was looking for a big reward. A drama filled ass kicking laden with humiliation for Jaymie.
So I did it. Called him. Told him. No ass kicking to be heard. Instead, he prayed for me. After that call, I sobbed for hours. Did I ever see any of the fallout? Would I ever hear him rip his naughty kid a big, fat new one? Did I get to know without any shadow of a doubt that Daddy James chastised his baby whore of a daughter for days?
Nope. Nada. Nothin'.
As you know, I frequently gave in to my thirst for payback. I hope you don't because the addiction of revenge wraps around your heart and if you don't get high enough off your efforts, you gotta go bigger. Please let me save some of you ladies the trouble, the additional pain and the wasted energy. If the person you tell is someone important in the other woman's life, they will care about her well being. Yours...not so much.
More likely than not, they will take her side. Blood is thicker than truth. Blood trumps truth. You spill your pain all over them and they lash out at you to fight it off.
Just what we need. More negativity in our lives after DDay!
They will take her side and if you persist, as I did, to remind them of their loved one's major mistakes, they will begin to hate you and it might get ugly.
Without my knowledge, and much to my chagrin, Geek Boy Kevin and Daddy James had joined forces. Daddy James now knew I only went to his church in my efforts to score the emails. I had no intention of seeking a divine repair of my broken heart.
The email I received on August 19th, 2011 at 10:00am should validate my position above.
He copied Richard and the Pastor of the church.
I had spread the ugliness that was the affair all over the fucking place. I told Jaymie's parents, her new boyfriend and her old boss. I gained nothing from any of it. There was no relief from the black hole of my life to be found from outing Jaymie to her friends and family. After I read that email, I spent days more depressed than I had been in months. Crushed emotionally and mentally.
Spare yourselves. Blood will always be thicker than truth. Focus your efforts at home where your Blood resides. I wish I had.