I was the desperate one. Desperate to purge the pain from my life and dump it on them.
Before and after my trip to the church, I did what I could to keep Jaymie and Geek Boy Kevin involved in my plans and activities. If I wrote to Daddy James, I also sent a copy of my friendly correspondence to them both, usually with a little something extra added just for their enjoyment.
I forwarded the email I received from Daddy James about my church visit (posted here: A Year After the Affair: A Ticket to Hell) to both of them prefaced by this:
Jaymie really has a great dad. How in the world did she end up so screwed up?? Hate taking him down because of her.
If just once, she could think of someone other than herself, her dad could be spared the public humiliation.
All it would take is a phone call.
In retrospect, I should have figured they might compare notes with Daddy James at some point. I was banking that Jaymie would want Daddy James as far away from the fallout of the affair as possible. I actually gave her credit for caring about someone other than herself. Without the guidance and protection of new bed mate, Geek Boy Kevin, I may have been right, but he fashioned himself her white knight. I'm sure in his creative mind, he saw himself as a character in one of his comic books. (did I mention Geek Boy Kevin is a comic book fan and wanna be writer?) Jaymie's would be protector was tall, skinny and scruffy holding tight to a verbal sword raised and ready for battle!
He sent this to me and copied Richard. He apparently thought Richard had some small amount of control over my behavior. Poor confused Geek Boy.
Shawn,Enough is enough. I thought you were an adult who truly wished to help me at first. Now I see that you were and still are just an angry, pathetic child; so malicious that you aren't even deserving of pity. If you continue to contact me, my family, Jaymie, or her family, I will contact my attorney and legal action will be taken. Do you understand?In case you don't, I'll explain it further. Do not email me, my family, Jaymie, or her family. Do not call me, my family, Jaymie, or her family. Do not text me, my family, Jaymie, or her family. Continuing to do so will result my filing a restraining order against you, followed shortly by a harassment suit that will take place in a small claims court. I have every email you've sent me, every text message you've hatefully typed out, every voicemail you've tried to threaten me with. I will win. And you will not.This is not a game, Shawn. This is real life. What you're doing is illegal beyond any semblance of doubt. Don't forget it.Do not contact me again. This is my final warning.-Kevin
Oooooohhhhh! So scary! NOT! Repercussions or consequences from my behavior didn't matter one bit to me. There were no consequences in Crazy Town!!
As much as I hated to admit it, Geek Boy had me pegged...I was an angry child. To him and probably many others, I would also seem pathetic. He hit the nail on the head when he called me malicious, too, but how could he say I was undeserving of pity??
I guess he isn't much of a writer. His vocabulary skills suck as bad as his taste in women because if one is "pathetic", by definition they "arouse pity." Dip-shit.
Again, I confess I was most certainly behaving like a ill tempered, unpredictable child. My temper tantrums rarely abated. Never thinking about what would happen if.....
Impulsiveness and instant gratification were my only motivation.
At this point, I wanted to face Jaymie in court. I longed for it! I dreamed of the opportunity of sharing with the world how Jaymie straddled my husband, a man 36 years her senior, on his office chair and on his office floor, and his office couch and in a cheap room at Barona Casino and at the Sheraton and at the Marriott...but, I digress!
How rewarding would it be to share how she chose to go down on a married man for the occasional hundred dollar bill and a few whispered, pretty words? All that titillating verbiage on a permanent court record?? The thought of that kind of public humiliation made my heart pound with anticipation! Did it matter that I would also be shaming my husband, risking his reputation? Hell to the NO! That was a bonus!
The level of my anger soared above my ability to maintain rational thought. Even though I could go through a whole day with a smile on my face and words of cheer on my lips, the pit of my gut was filled to the brim with boiling animosity. To this day, I continue to be astounded by the fact that I maintained such an enormous amount of hate and vindictive rage for so long. It exhausts me to think about it!
I know many of you get it. You've felt it...the level of vehemence and bitterness that settles into what may have well been an otherwise acceptable soul before DDay. You probably felt it, but you were better than me, stronger than me and you didn't act on it. If you are fresh into the mess of betrayal, please recognize the anger, acknowledge it, but THINK before you act upon it.
I was the epitome of a spoiled, resentful, infuriated child. Yep...Good call, Geek Boy, but it was gonna take someone other than him to send this rotten brat to a time-out.