I really don't wanna make a mountain out of ant hill, but I'm pissed because I was publicly dissed! I guess I should tell you right up front that this has nothing to do with Richard. He's pissed about this burr in my bootie, as well. Although, he cusses about it much less. Who is the target of my infamous wrath today?
THE WEBMASTER of Surviving Infidelity.
In my last post I told you that someone had started a thread on SI about my blog. It raised the number of page views here on my sordid story substantially. After I commented on that thread, it was locked by the board moderators. I didn't really know why at the time.
Got an email from a moderator because I had asked for help figuring out why my post showed up on the thread as Robin***?? Don't know Robin and I apologize for accidentally hijacking her username.
The moderator was most helpful. She worked to correct the cyber snafu, suggested I re-register. She then explained to me that promoting my blog was not allowed on their site.
No sweat. It's not like I'm looking to raise the advertising revenue on my homepage.
I posted a few more times after I re-registered as Shawnthewife. That's what I thought my username was three years ago when I checked out the site the first time, a year after DDay, when I finally figured out I might find help healing online. It was right about when I started this blog.
Turns out, back then I registered as Betrayed Blogger.
Quite catchy and memorable, right??
Not so much. I had no clue.
I can't remember what I had for breakfast by lunch on most days. Who in the hell remembers usernames from three years ago??
Anyway...I posted a few more times. Thought maybe I'd give SI another shot. I hadn't liked it back then. Too big. Too impersonal. Too crowded! The Healing Heart was a much better fit. Not always a lot of action, but when you need the select few that have been on that board for years, they will never let you down. You get to know the pain laden souls that pass through pretty well. We become like family after just a few exchanges. I'd sing the praises of that fabulous forum further, but I digress.
In a few subsequent posts on SI that day, I did mention my blog, not in every post, maybe half. I never gave the name and I certainly never posted a link. Here's where the trouble started...
The person that originally started the thread about my blog, started another thread asking why the first had been locked?? She posted:
Does anyone know why my post about a blog was locked and want that even means? I think I have become the rebel of SI. Me, a Midwestern housewife.
And after a few other responses I wrote this:
After several emails with SI administrators, I think I know.
It was a couple of things. First, I had that weird log in issue. When I commented in your thread about my blog, it showed up as Robin somebody. That little SNAFU had to be checked out by the web master.
Plus...I was chastised not to promote my blog on this forum, which I never intended to do. I mean, I haven't for 3 years. Why start now? I think when you posted a link to my blog they took that down pronto.
So...it was locked due to concern of possible blog promotion and technical web site buggery.
Anyway...I think that's what happened. Either way, I'm really glad you posted because that post brought me back here. Lots of amazing, constructive, compassionate conversations happen here.
I still have much to learn about life after an A.
And then we hear from The Webmaster, AKA - Mangledheart. She didn't care for my comment one little bit:
First, I've read the exchange you had with the Administrator and you were not "chastised" in the least. The Administrator simply stated that this site was not to be used to promote your blog. Which by posting about your blog again you are clearly doing.
Second, I researched the records last night and your shawnthewife profile was originally rejected because you already had another profile at the time. You then apparently had someone register on your behalf a few days later using the name Robin*** which was approved. That is the profile you activated which is why it was attached to your post the other night on the thread C***e is referring to.
OK...I used flowery verbiage. Maybe chastised was the wrong word so I apologized to her, via a very nice and professional email, you can read it below, saying just that. I also asked why she accused me of misrepresenting myself and having someone register on my behalf?
I mean...WTF?? Who would do that and why?? SI isn't Homeland Security, for craps sake! In the email, I told her I wanted a public apology because she just slandered me. I hadn't done a thing wrong expect maybe express myself in too colorful a manner and reach out to some new recovering betrayed spouses. I sure as hell never "had anyone register on my behalf".
She obviously thought me deceitful enough to block me for 24 hours from SI. So, I wrote the moderator that had helped me reregister and asked why I was blocked? Could they please clarify the rules about "promoting my blog" and I included the link I used to access the forum that had the weird Robin username. They had asked me for it so of course I sent it. I wanted to help figure out the problem.
Hell, I was the one that brought the weird username to their attention to begin with!! Why would I do that if I was trying to sneak around or promote my blog secretly or I just have no life and like to make shit up!! UGH! So stupid!!
The moderator must have sent my questions to the Crazed Web Master and it was ON!
When I received her first email, I had to step back, regroup and count to 50. I instantly came down with Tourette's Syndrome! Luckily, only my dogs where home to witness it. I wanted to type something like - Bitch, you Crazy!- and hit send.
She had broken down every line of my email, twisting the words to suit her attitude! That email was quite extensive, so I won't copy it here, but she made her point quite clear. She thinks I am a big, fat fucking liar looking to lure poor betrayed spouses. She used nicer words, like blatantly false statements, but her opinion of me was woefully apparent...big, fat fucking liar.
Instead of sending the Crazy Bitch remark email, I took a deep breath and paused to regain composure. More flies with honey and all that. I replied with this:
MH; Sorry to bother you as I realize you are probably a volunteer, but I hope we can discuss this misunderstanding further. You publicly accused me of misrepresenting myself on the thread to all the members. This is slanderous diatribe. I never re-registered under a false name NOR did I have anyone do that for me. I merely forgot I had registered previously under betrayed blogger. That was years ago. If you believed there was major policy violations taking place you could have locked the thread or removed it completely. Instead, you chose to “chastise” me on a public thread on your forum, blatantly questioning my honest intent.
I truly do not want this to go any further. I am willing to let it go, but I deserve a public apology for your false statement regarding my integrity.
Oh..and about the word “chastised”….. I guess I’ll have to ask for your forgiveness for my flowery vocabulary as I never meant it to sound derogatory. If you google the definition you’ll see…yes it can mean "criticized severely" but it can also mean "to restrain or refine”.
Please remember, I came to the admin volunteers first asking for help re: the Robin username. Why on earth would I do that if I was being subversive?
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Thank you for your time,
Shawn, the wife
After receiving the following reply, I began to understand that this volunteer must have some kind of Napoleonic persona and lots of time on her hands. She sent me this:
Above is the Google listed definition of chastise. This is an obvious attempt by you to misrepresent what you intended with that post. Anybody reading that post would have interpreted it as derogatory. Chastise was archaically defined as restrain or refine. Even the example you stated “criticized severely” is the second entry of the definition on Dictionary.com. The first entry is “to discipline, especially by corporal punishment.”
By using that term you misrepresented your conversation with the Administrator. You also lied regarding remembering the BetrayedBlogger profile. Our server logs show the last activity on that profile was 2/11/2014 which was the same day you registered and were rejected as shawnthewife.
I stand by my statements. It doesn’t matter whether you registered the profile Robin*** or someone else did it on your behalf. You clearly activated the profile Robin*** which means you possessed the activation notice containing the activation link. The server logs make that very clear. This is not “buggery” as you also falsely stated.
We deal with violations on our forums as we see fit. I chose to address you publically with the support of staff because you lied about your conversation with the Administrator. You also once again chose to talk about your blog and suggested our software was bugged and that caused you to post as robin***. I will not allow your false accusations to stand unopposed on the website we have voluntarily operated for 12 years.
You can see where this is going, right?? No where fast...that's where.
This Power Crazed volunteer Web Master was right about one thing. I did try to sign onto SI back in February, 2014. I had forgotten that. (Shocker.) But, with my memory rebooted, I recalled that I had asked for help signing in back then because I couldn't remember my password or username. In response to that request, the moderator sent me a link....The weird Robin one that I used this time. I never used it then. I guess my momentary interest in visiting SI passed rather quickly. But I had saved the link so I used it this time around. Are you able to understand any of this cluster fuck??
Truth...I have no clue what happened. On the thread, I called it "buggery". The Crazed Web Master didn't like that either. My creative vocabulary was flagrantly misused according to her book of posting rules.
Damn! She would hate my blog!! LOL!
If you have read this far...thanks. I'm am sure most will have lost interest way before now.
Here was my last email to the Crazed Web Master:
Your vehemence is astounding! I have no idea why you insist my intentions were to besmirch your volunteers! Or, why you refuse to believe that I never intended to activate a profile that wasn't mine. I only used the link that was emailed to me.
I really don't want to make your job difficult, but I can't allow you to slander me publicly. I did not lie, not once.
Perhaps it is best if you and I do not continue our discussion. If you have a superior at SI, I would like to address them before I seek legal recourse. Please forward our correspondence to the person that I should be addressing.
I am truly sorry you have chosen to assume the worst in the situation. This is a mountain made out of a pathetic mole hill.
I will expect to hear from someone in authority by next week or I will contact an attorney.
Once again, I thank you for your time. I only regret it was not more productive.
Shawn, the wife
Haven't heard a peep from her.
Richard thinks I should call an attorney. Actually, he already did. I just have to follow up. Richard says it's not so much slander as liable because it was a false accusation in written form.
I think I have bigger fish to fry. I mean laundry seems like a bigger fish than this bullshit but I am more than a tad pissed. If I never post on SI again...do I care? The posts about me and the blog are probably buried deep by now. That place has some massive turn over.
If I turn the other cheek am I condoning the Crazed Web Master's misrepresentation of me?
What to do?? What to do??
What would you do??