My plan was to get Richard and Jaymie in the same room so they each had to tell me their stories at the same time. That's how I get my employees to settle disputes. Lay it all out on the table. The details I got sitting in the dark, talking to Richard were not in sync with the total love fest scenario Jaymie portrayed. I told her as much and she said he was not being truthful with himself. She was too damn "sweet" to call him a liar. She asked me how I'll know if he's being truthful? I remember my exact words. "I've been married to this man longer than you've been alive. I'll know." Bravado and then some! I sure had my toughie girl pants on and they were constricting the blood flow to my brain! One thing I remember about those first conversations was that while I was being all territorial, Jaymie seemed so innocent. Richard talked about her that way. He said he was attracted to her "sweet nature". To me that just meant, the polar opposite of me. No one would use those words to describe me.
Richard's side of the story was that he had been feeling old and very depressed about his lost youth. He met Jaymie for the first time, at a coffee and wine bar near his office. She was exactly his type. Tall, thin, kind of Bohemian. Here's an email he sent her about that day. He sent it after the first time they had sex.
show details Sep 7
Hi. It’s my turn now.
You already know I couldn’t pull my eyes away from you the first time I saw you. I elbowed Lori and said “look at her.” I watched you move with ease and grace and I noticed you were warm and natural with your customers. You laughed with Lori and me and made good suggestions on white wine. When I left, I told you that you were so pretty. I wasn’t hitting on you. I was stating a fact. You smiled at me. Your face stayed in my brain for a while after that. I knew I wanted to see you again. Everyone has a “type.” I saw instantly that you were my type: slender, soft, athletic shoulders, pretty face, thin lips, kind, sweet nature. I loved when you came over to see me at my office. It was awkward. I noticed you looking around at pictures of my family. I guessed you were thinking…hmmm who is this guy and why did he want me to come see him? But I was just happy you came.
There is comfort in my life. I have so much to be thankful for. There is sameness and that is ok. But there is no passion. I have fire inside of me. I need passion. With you Jaymie, it goes way beyond passion. There is explosiveness. I am drunk and consumed with images of you. It gets stronger every day. I knew you wanted to be with me when we were holding hands and dancing in our places together at the Eagles concert. Your words said one thing but your lips did not lie when I kissed you softly in my office. The elevator at Mr. A’s. The parking garage. And Friday. Oh my God Friday. Drinking every inch of your body with my eyes, my hands, my fingers, my lips, my face, my tongue. You responding by giving me everything and trusting me completely.
You have awakened me Jaymie. I am ok taking this one day at a time even though there is so much I want to do with you. I want to wake up with you and see the sun on your hair. I want to shower with you and see the water dance of your shoulders. I want to hang out, go on road trips, take you places. I love you.
Imagine how warm and fuzzy it feels to read that there was "no passion" in his life. Ugh. For clarification, I didn't find out about the emails they exchanged until about a month after DDay, so I was going into this meeting wanting desperately to believe my wayward husband. He told me it wasn't love. It was a pathetic grasp for younger years. He insisted that he was delusional, in a total downward spiral brought on by a belated midlife crisis. He was seeing a shrink during the affair/breakdown. He knew he was out of control, but that 24 year old easy catch was just a little too tempting. He thought he "deserved" it. He worked hard. Provided a wonderful life for his family. Who could blame him?
(hope you're feeling my sarcasm)
I'm gonna have to pause here. Sometimes writing about the gory details makes me a little sick. Soon, I'll tell you about the meeting. What a joke that turned out to be.