2 Year Antiversary

September 7th, 2010.  2 years ago today, Richard turned his emotional affair with Jaymie into a physical affair.  They had sex in his office, on the chair, on the couch, on the floor.  Then, he came home to me with a smile, a kiss and images of HER in his head.
I hoped I wouldn't dwell on it, but that didn't work out.  I've been reading through all the emails they exchanged for the past hour. I hoped after 2 years I wouldn't feel like crying.  Once I started in on the damn emails, the box of tissue was required.

Hope didn't win out this time.  Still, I continue to hope for a little less pain everyday.  That's seems to be an attainable goal.

This topic was just discussed in the comments from my last post, Un-Happy Holidays.  Many betrayed spouses struggle over the holidays.  One reader called the days "Tainted".  That is exactly what Antiversary days are....tainted.  We have been wounded.  Wounds heal, but they leave scars.  Scars are reminders, but as time passes, not painful like the wound itself.  Even though I feel very sad today, I'm not out of mind with grief.  I'm not even grossly depressed.  My eyes are damp with tears, but I'm certainly not sobbing or gasping for breath.  I'm just sad.  Maybe on the 3 year Antiversary I'll merely be peeved or irritated.

I'm not looking to have a pity party.  My plan is to let my mind go to the dark side for a few hours, then go to work and get on with my day.  Get on with my life.
However...throwing Richard under the bus and allowing some of YOU to chastise him might be fun!!
So...here's some ammo!  One of his emails to her that, even 2 years later, makes me wanna hurl!

Richard to Jaymie

Can you be too much in love?

So much so that when you see her, you dash across the street in front of fast moving cars to take her in your arms and hoist her into the air;

That when you look at her, you are so in awe of her beauty that you can’t speak; she reduces you to an awkward seventh grader again;

That when you listen to her, her voice melts you into jelly and you notice you have no muscle, no bone;

That when she sings to you, you secretly know you will give her anything she wants;

That when you try to focus on the daily chores of your life, you can’t because pictures of her flood your mind and disable your ability to function;

That when you make love to her, you forget about yourself and want only to drink in every inch of her body and pleasure her with joy that she has never before experienced;

That when she touches you, you are paralyzed; she finds parts that no one has touched before;

That when you leave her, you are in a haze left by her love, a spell she casts, and you forget where you are;

That you have lost control of your life because she has consumed you altogether.

Can you be too much in love. No because when you kiss her you feel something you have never felt before, never knew you could feel and nothing else matters.