Thursday, September 13, 2012
F%#K Fantasy Football! Part 1
Perhaps I need some kind of "Alert System" on my homepage for posts that switch from past tense to the present. I'm sure my rambling needs clarification from time to time. For today, I'll just type this: Head's up, Readers! This post is about NOW, not 2 years ago. Not two months ago. My extreme animosity for the ritual fall activity began a few weeks ago. Until then, it seemed like a harmless father & son bonding enterprise.
About a month ago, Richard mentioned that he and our son, Lukas, would be attending a "draft" party to select their team for this year's fantasy football league.
Hold on there, Cowboy!
"Isn't your partner, Michelle, in the same league? It's run by her sister, right? I have been VERY clear about you socializing with Michelle. Did you really think I wouldn't have a problem with this?"
"It's only a couple of hours. Lukas really wants to go!" And...back peddling begins....
"Not that I'm saying I'm only going because of Lukas. I mean, I wanna go, too. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty about Lukas."
I was gettin' hot. I felt my jaw tighten, my nails dug into my palms and I'd bet the fantasy football league entrance fee that my face was beet red. I've written before about my preference for "fight' over 'flight'. I'm a BIG fighter. I sooo need to work on that!
I tried to reason with myself....you might be making too big a deal out of this. It is evil antiversary month. That has you on edge. Just chill.
I got a grip on my anger and I think I handled myself with civility and repose. Well, civil for me anyway. It's all relative.
Exhale.....Deep Breath. Do not let this become a huge deal. "How did you do it last year? You didn't go to the draft last year. We can compromise here."
"We really wanna go. It is so much easier than trying to do it over the phone or having someone else pick. We want to participate in the whole process."
"Then, you need to find a different league. You know there is no way I'm gonna be OK with you spending Labor Day with Michelle."
I left him with that. I heard no more about it until the week before the draft. Richard announced that I shouldn't forget he and Lukas would be gone part of Labor Day for the draft party.
And...that's when my contempt for Fantasy Football became resolute.
What do you do to your spouse when you're supremely pissed? I barely look look at him. I only speak to him if I must and he sure won't be getting ANY in the near future. Richard does not handle the cold shoulder routine well at all. So, by the Friday before the draft, he had conceded. They wouldn't go. They figured out an alternative plan. I saw it it as a win/win! They would still be in the league, but not attend the social gathering where I would not have been welcome. Michelle and I will never be able to be in the same room again. Let's just say I burned that freakin' bridge.
I wanted to believe he changed his mind because it was the right thing to do, but why would I kid myself? I knew it was because of his aversion to confrontation. He is the most conflict avoid-ent person I know. Weird for a lawyer, right? Maybe because his job is ridiculously conflict laden, he can not tolerate further combat after hours. Whatever the reason, as you are all very well aware, problem avoidance can lead to betrayal. (attention! sarcasm ahead)
Got problems at home, but you just can't bring yourself to face up to them and talk to your spouse? Better not stir the pot. Dealing with issues head on could make it very uncomfortable around the homestead. Maybe you should just talk to the cute girl at work. She'll make you feel better about everything and your wifey will be none the wiser! Safe and satisfying!
I knew why he caved. I wasn't happy about it. As we talked about this, in the lovely Dr. K's office, day before yesterday (this required MC in a big way! 2 hours!) I benevolently referred to Richard's aversion to conflict as, "A huge lack of balls!" I also referred to him as a moron.
In my defense, the name calling was not about fantasy football. It wasn't about Michelle, either. It was about the rage building inside me, yet again. It was about the intense fear in my gut that Richard was not capable of the whole truth. During one of our many heated discussions over this he yelled, "I'll never be able to be honest enough for you!" What the fuck does that mean? Truthful enough for me? My God. He really doesn't get it. He may never get it.
The fantasy football debate exposed not one, not two, but three lies made by Richard in the past year. For him, they were not lies, but merely omissions.
Has he not learned a damn thing in two years?
Why is complete honesty such a foreign concept to him?
I stand firmly by my use of the term MORON.
To be continued.....