Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Manic Meltdown Part 1
The events of the day I'm about to relate were arguably me at my most imbalanced.
Oh, Holy Understatement, Batman...make that totally mental, psycho and destructive. I know what day I flipped out, Friday, January 28th, 108 days since DDay. I know what time I lost my mind, very close to 10:00 am. I also know where I took complete leave of my common sense. The worst possible place. Richard's office with all of his employees there to witness. What I can't share with any certainty is WHY! I have little recollection of what tripped my crazy trigger.
As it was Friday, Richard and I had planned a date night. We both had to work that day but we were able to go in a little later so we could share the ride and thus, only have one car to drive home. Richard drove his car, the black Lexus that Jaymie had been in much more than I cared to imagine. The plan was I would drop Richard off at his office and then head to my store to begin my work day. I would pick him up later that afternoon and our date would commence.
Somewhere along the drive down the 15S to the 163S my madness boiled over. It was like molten lava oozing up from the belly of the beast. An eruption was imminent, but the timing and the force unpredictable. I know the conversation in the car turned the switch on my composure from simmer to rapid boil, but for the life of me, I don't understand why then, what was so infuriating about that morning? His words pushed me over the edge of self-control and yet, I can't recall many of them.
I hope I'm not making this part up. I sort of/kind of remember talking about how it made me very sad that I couldn't go up to his office anymore. Michelle had no interest in seeing me or even speaking with me. I had ripped her a big, fat new one after I learned she had knowledge of Richard & Jaymie's affair and did little to put a stop to it. (Yeah, yeah! I know. Not her job. But, it made my life a tad easier to spread the blame around.) Plus, I knew his whole staff saw it. They all had front row seats to my husband's seduction of his baby whore. You can surely imagine why I chose to avoid their pitying glances and whispered gossip. Richard agreed it would be uncomfortable, but he hoped in the not too distant future, we would get back to normal. To me, that meant, you can't go up to my office right now, which meant I was FOR SURE going up to his office right now.
Here is where the story becomes crystal clear. With my adrenaline level off the charts, I announced something like, "I'm going up to your office now. I haven't seen Michelle for a while. It's time we talked." Richard didn't think that was such a great plan. Even though I can't be sure, I'd bet the ranch he slipped into panic mode after I declared my intent. He protested the idea with numerous lame ass excuses, so when we were nearing his office, by Balboa Park, stopped at a light, I jumped out of the car and the meltdown was on!
I hit that sidewalk like a soldier charging into battle. Lit a cigarette and I stormed..that's right...I STORMED 3 blocks toward his 3rd floor office. Richard must have hauled ass to his parking spot, because he managed to catch up with me at the elevator. He pleaded for me to be calm. His last line of defense against this office invasion was trying to convince me that he understood my anger and he was so, so sorry. SORRY! I was soooo OVER that word!
Out of the elevator and straight into family law central. Jaw and fists clenched as I rushed past the front desk, Richard right behind. I caught a glimpse of the receptionist's face. Obviously, she knew something was up but had yet to fathom what the issue could be. She would grasp it all very shortly. I was in no mood for subtleties.
As I headed for Richard's private work/Jaymie Love domain, at the end of the hall, I flew by Michelle's office and lucky for her, the door was closed which meant she was with a client. I must have been graced by Divine Intervention because I managed a minuscule amount of restraint that prevented me from barging right on in, client be damned.
Not that the client wouldn't get an ear-full anyway. Richard's office is just past Michelle's. They share a common wall and as soon as I crossed the threshold into the space that had witnessed Richard and Jaymie together naked, my very loud tirade began. Almost an out-of-body experience. A meltdown of epic proportions that everyone in the office could hear. Hell, probably everybody on the 3rd floor heard it and I could have cared less.