For this trip through the mountain range of Crazy Town, I enlisted Sherpas to help carry the load. I had been climbing higher up the sheer cliffs of "Contact Jaymie" for over a year. For what I believed would be my final expedition, I recruited Richard and Sharon. If you don't recall, Sharon is the attorney that rents office space from Richard. She was Jaymie's employer at the beginning of the affair. They signed up for what would turn out to be close to my final trek up the arduous bluff of "Contact Jaymie".
Close...but I didn't quite reach the summit.
I hear you screaming at your screen...Why in the hell would they do that??
Depends on how you look at it. The positive spin, I can be very persuasive. The other side of the coin, I can be wickedly manipulative. Look at it however you want, I was usually good at getting my way, except for my multiple failures scaling "Contact Jaymie". The lack of results from my efforts the past year were infuriating!! My resources were so limited. It was time to bring in fresh reinforcements.
I still was not ready to admit to myself that Jaymie was of no use to me. To be clear...not just useless, detrimental. Over a year past DDay and yet I wallowed in the lovely transference method of dealing with my pain.
When would I learn? When would I Let the Bitch Whore Go?
Soon, but not until I had to take a little field trip out of Crazy Town and into El Cajon Court.
For successful reconciliation, it is beyond important that the wayward spouse show deep, sincere remorse after DDay. Richard had displayed massive amounts of guilt and repentance. I didn't wanna hear it. I wouldn't accept it. Instead, I exploited it.
I crossed another very thin, precarious line. Stepping over this line turned Richard's bona fide desire to earn my forgiveness and save our marriage into punishment for his sins.
To be completely authentic about my time in Crazy Town, in case you don't quite get it yet, I must admit this....when I lashed out at Jaymie it was to punish Richard. I knew it killed him to see me so out of control. I craved seeing my husband suffer. I didn't really NEED the emails. Even back then I think I knew, there was nothing Jaymie could offer me.
Richard's new marching orders were to talk to Sharon. Come up with a plan between them that would get me a conversation with Jaymie. Once again, Richard did not disappoint. It wasn't too tough for him to convince Sharon to help. She had witnessed my Manic Meltdown back in January. I think she would do just about anything to please my husband. (Well, I hope not "anything"!) She hired totally unqualified Jaymie as an assistant to appease him. Why wouldn't she help him clean up the fall out?
Sharon placed a phone call to Jaymie, using the script prepared by me, pleading the case that there was little chance of me ever going away without satisfaction. Jaymie might as well get it over with.
Richard drafted this email, approved by me of course, and sent it off the same day.
Richard followed my lead through Crazy Town so blindly. I wonder if he knows today, like I do, that when he gave in over and over to appease me, he really wasn't doing me, or us, any favors.
Dear Jaymie:I am searching for closure for Shawn, for you and for me. The last year has been hell for Shawn. She can't get past any of it. That's why she has gone so far trying to contact you. She has many questions that I have tried to answer, but my words sound like lies to her now. Please consider one email, one phone call or one meeting with her, your call. Answers might give her closure. She has been telling me the same thing for months. She needs answers to move on.I pray everyday for her happiness and yours. I am so sorry for the pain that I caused her and my family and for the turmoil that has occurred to you and your family. My selfish, mid-life breakdown should never have involved you or Shawn and I deeply regret my behavior. Thanks for listening and considering the idea.I know it's a lot to ask, but I had to try.Rich
I also wonder if Sharon really followed my script. In hindsight, I think not. She talked to me about how badly she felt for the pain I had endured. Showed appropriate sympathy for my man, her landlord, as well. But, for an attorney, her powers of persuasion were apparently no better than mine.
Jaymie had no intention of granting me any type of communication.
Sharon did manage to obtain one crucial piece of info. Jaymie was going to the sheriff. She said she was so totally over me disrupting her life.
I think the term she used was "harassment". Oh...and maybe "Restraining Order."
