Thursday, December 1, 2011
About the clueless part, I mean that on many levels. First, the fact that I am attempting to BLOG just screams desperation! I can barely get my email, texting is a major challenge, Smartphones are way outta my league, but I think I'm gonna blog?
Hey, a girl can can dream.
Guess where part two of the clueless label comes in? It's been over a year and I am just as lost as I was the first day I found out. Feel like I've been through the ringer. Can't seem to find a way to mend my pathetic, broken heart. This is my out-of-the-box attempt to heal, to move forward by writing down the past and leaving it on these pages.
Clueless part three, I can not stress enough how unaware I was when Richard began the affair. There were red flags everywhere. Hell, there were freakin' flares! He had been working a lot more. He whitened his teeth. He dyed his hair. He lost a lot of weight. He joined CrossFit, fitness boot camp. He SHOPPED and bought new clothes!! Shopped?? Richard?? PLEEEZE! After 30 years of taking care of this man, where had my brain gone? I will never be able to forgive myself for being so clueless. BTW...clueless also equals: trusting, naive, blind and just plain stupid.
If anybody reading is trying to find your way through the anguish of betrayal, my hope is that we can rebuild our lives together. This blog will start with the beginning, the initial impact. I'll try to share as much as I remember. It helps to know you're not alone in this devastating experience. The emotions we feel are normal. At times I sure feel crazy but I've learned my brain is trying to protect me by not letting all the havoc of the affair in at once. Our brains are not equipped to deal with so much torment.
Please post. Please join me. I don't want to ride this roller coaster alone. That's why I'm here. Gotta shake it up to shake it off. Keep reading. I'll tell you how a good friend helped me wake up and smell the stench of adultery.