That morning, in our bedroom, I was pacing back and forth and breathing like a race horse running in the Derby. No wonder I couldn't think straight, too much damn oxygen pumping through my bod. The human body is an amazing creation.
Too much oxygen + adrenaline = Ranting may continue!!
If adrenaline hadn't been delivered to my system in an over-load dose during this manic moment, I probably would have hyperventilated and fainted. I must have looked like I was an escapee from the maximum security psych ward. This was my worst melt-down since DDay, and unfortunately, not my last, not by a long shot. Prepare yourself...during my melt downs, the language was not for the ears of church going folk.
How could he have lied again? That question reverberated in my head and the words probably flew out of mouth, too. I had no filter to contain my thoughts. I thought it. I said it or perhaps yelled it. Richard knew damn well I had been doing my best to keep our shit storm away from my parents, but he somehow thought it would be OK to confide in my dear old dad. Now, answer me this...if it was really OK, why wouldn't he tell me he'd done it? Why wait until I say I think it's time to fill the family in and THEN confess to the little secret?? Because it was not OK! It was way less than OK! It was sending me directly into a massive nervous breakdown that had been knocking on my door for weeks.
When I talked about my girls...I forgot to mention Lady Lunatic. She was exceedingly unpredictable and down right scary. Situations like this were perfect fuel for Lady. That girl had no self-control and when she let loose...consequences be damned! Since DDay, my mantra was...I want to know everything! Tell me all of it! Don't hide anything! I warned Richard (a warning is an ultimatum in slightly cuter clothes) numerous times that I could not handle any more lies. I needed to know everything he might still be concealing so I could begin to process it all. You can't rebuild a decimated house without all the proper tools. Honesty was to be the foundation of our remodel.
Fire Away!! "You told my dad, so I'm gonna tell your sisters."
"It's the day before Thanksgiving! The entire family is there! Why would you want to spoil that for them?"
"You should have thought of that before you decided to spoil our whole life!"
Since Dday, Richard had let me rule the roost. When I was loving and needy, the air was smooth and he traveled calmly. On days like this, turbulence tossed him around like a rag doll. Before this fiasco, during visits from Lady Lunatic, he had kept his head low and rode it out with his seat belt fastened....tight! On this day, he found his own Mr. Toughie Pants. The thought of revealing his abhorrent behavior to his family made him fight back.
He actually raised his voice. Hadn't done that since Dday either. "You are NOT calling them! There is no reason to ruin their holiday! All our nieces and nephews are there! They don't deserve to be dropped in the middle of our mess!" Well, no shit. My parents didn't deserve that either.
Lady Lunatic didn't care about additional casualties. She wanted payback.
Open the hatch...drop the "U" bomb in 3,2,1...."Fine. I won't call them. You call them. You call them or get the fuck out!" Ultimatum number one is launched.
We went back and forth. He practically begged me to reconsider, which of course, was not gonna happen. (the analogy of monkeys flying out of my ass comes to mind.) In mid-argument, I went from Lady Lunatic to Royal Bitch and there would be no surrender. He started to pack.
I was brutal! "You'd rather leave your kids on Thanksgiving than tell your sisters what an asshole you are? You'll pack up and walk out and leave your family to protect your big sisters from hearing about you fucking Jaymie? I am not surprised."
It took a few more missiles like those before I brought him down. He collapsed into the chair and said, "I'll do it. I am actually so weak that I am letting you bully me into this. I am giving in to your fucking ultimatum."
Victory!! I did a little happy dance inside my head. Which truly speaks to my mental state. I love Richard's family. The fact that I was joyful about thrusting them into our calamity sickens me now.
Richard called his older sister, Nancy, first. He spilled his guts, hanging his head and weeping through it all. Called his middle sister, Bobbi, next. Same scenario. Lots of sobbing and pathetic whimpering.
I didn't think it through. I had no idea how they would react. I mean, the only part I considered was that telling them would be a very serious, deep, gaping wound for Richard. That was the primary objective. To their credit, they didn't judge him, they were just severely pissed that he hadn't called them before! Turns out, making those calls was the best thing he could have done. Who knew there would be a silver lining to an ultimatum bomb drop? They could not have been more supportive. Not just to him, but to me and more importantly....to us, to saving US.