After an affair, your life doesn't belong to you anymore. For over a year, I couldn't control my own thoughts.
The turmoil in my head was viciously repetitive but savagely random. With this blog, I began to exorcise the demons holding my head hostage.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Negotiations Begin

The rest of the weekend was, shall we say tense, around our house.  Richard had grown accustomed to giving me a wide birth when I was fuming, which was often, but I was truly in rare form now.  I knew I had very little chance of getting any more of my questions answered from Jaymie, so I switched my compulsion from getting any answers to getting back the money.  I was a dog with a bone.  No way I was letting it go.

A little warning here.  The rest of this post took on a bitter, sarcastic tone.  I ask for your forgiveness in advance.

Richard got a call from Jim.  He didn't take it. The message was he wanted to speak to Richard about the money I was demanding.  Jim said he would send an email regarding the "issue." ISSUE?  Is that what this is?  An ISSUE?
Oh, Lord!  So much of this really would be funny if it weren't so tragic!
The negotiation for the return of the cash began via email.  Here's Jim's email to Richard:

My talking points in a future phone call will be this:

·         Shawn is asking for remuneration of $500.  She says you loaned Jaymie money, Jaymie says you did give her money at times but it was never a loan.
·         Any items that were given to Jaymie were returned to Shawn on Friday.  This should end any conversation with her. 

Any talk that needs to be done, should go between you and Jaymie. Since Jaymie does not feel comfortable talking with you, she requests that you work through me.
All I need to know is that you agree with these 2 points and the matter is closed.

Rich- I really liked you, and had hopes to build you into my key persons network of referrals.  This probably will not happen.
Because my faith is important to me, I was hoping to be help to you in your restoration and rebuilding your personal life, as I have training and experience in these areas.  Based on where this is now, I don’t think I can be of a personal help to you anymore.


I gotta dissect this a bit.

First:  REMUNERATION??  What? Come on!  No one is impressed with your big words, Homeboy.
Second:  Richard gave her money AT TIMES??  How about every time they fucked and then some!?  Deal with it!  Your baby girl is as close to a hooker as she can be without her own corner and a pimp!
Third:  You think this should END any conversation with me?  You would rather talk to the old man that banged your daughter and then left her out to dry than me?  Whatever.  You're a chickenshit.
And, Last...but most certainly not least:  You had hoped to work with Richard and now that PROBABLY won't happen??  What would make you SURE it could never happen?  If Richard had slept with Jaymie AND your wife?  Would that do it?  Seriously, Dude.  Must be that solid Christian faith.  You are just chalked full of forgiveness.  Either that, or you were really hoping Richard could help you reel in a much needed client base.  I'd guess it's the latter, but that's just my take.

Richard sent this reply only after he let me proof read it and edit it to my satisfaction.


Thanks for your thoughts. I want to first tell you I apologize for the affair I had with your daughter Jaymie.  I am deeply sorry for the hurt I have caused so many and that includes you and Karen.

You say “any talk that needs to be done should go between you and Jaymie.”   But that is not the case.  I hurt Shawn badly. She was deeply impacted by this.  So she is involved as well.  Half of what Jaymie received was Shawn’s money.  Shawn wants it back and I support her in this request. 

So here is what I suggest:

1.       Write a check to Shawn or to the charity of your choice and mail it to Shawn.  I am suggesting $500 but will take any reasonable amount. If you are tight for Christmas, it can be after the first of the year.
2.       This will bring us to complete closure.  Neither Shawn nor I will have any further uninvited contact with your family.

I appreciate your offer to help me and I know it is sincere. Jaymie often spoke of your and Karen’s Christian values.  Shawn told me that when she called you, the two of you prayed together. This is a gesture that I will never forget. I believe you are a good man.  I also believe my proposal is the right thing to do. 


I'll give Richard a nod of appreciation here.  He followed my lead.  He wouldn't say the money was a loan, but he wouldn't deny it either.  He asked me, "If I do this for you, will it help you heal?"
"Yes.  For sure.  I need this."

Problem was, I would need a hell of a lot more before it was over.


Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog like thevaddictive crack that itnis, I jones for my next fix. I thoughtbabout doing and saying all the same things tonto BWbin my life. I just never has the balls. She was a "good Christian girl" and would never have done this, ever. Problem is thatbshe actually tried to be my friend during the affair, I guess she was trying throw the scent off. I worked for a whole, I was so trusting. My friends were all telling me that something wasnup, but I just defended the husband like a good wife would. Ibreallynwas blined by our long history.
The closest I got to exacting any revenge was a short phone call. Since I thought she was my friend in had her phone number. I left a very short message that just let her know that I knew about them. She called me back and instead of yelling or being shitty I was nice, WTH she deserved my wrath and I couldn't do it. I let her try to apologize. I listened to her shit, how lame. When she was finished I asked her to never contact myself or the us and ever again. I had kids to think about and they though of her as an aunty. I had tonexplain why they would never see or here from her again.
I wrote a letter to her right after the phone call was over and was much more nasty to her in there. I wanted tonhit her where it hurts. I never sent it. I read it every now and then when the fancy hits me. Which is less and less these days. It's been about 5 years, but thenpain is always there, I never know when Sybil is going to come back.
Her parents and husband knew my husband, they were friends. What a load of shit, but everyone loves him. Now I find the truth out from pestering him until he relents. I find it a fun game sometimes, I even make a point of getting him drunk so he'll talk. It's fun, I guess, problem is who knows whatnlittle secret is still in there that could destroy everything.
Keep on writing, I'll keep on reading, you keep me sane.


Anonymous said...

Sorry about the spelling above, typing on a tablet can be tough sometimes.


shawn thewife said...

SR: It was never balls that made me lash out at Jaymie. It was ignorance compounded by a broken heart and a dismal spirit. You did the right thing. Writing a letter and purging your feelings to BW can be VERY cathartic. I then recommend burning that sucker in effigy! Don't send it. Don't call her. Don't acknowledge she lives on the same stinking planet!
I'll admit...I know that banishing anything and everything about the BW is the RIGHT thing to do, but is it easy? Hell to the NO! Could I listen to my own advice should (GOD FORBID!) Richard cheat again? Probably not. I would sincerely hope so, but I wouldn't bet the farm on it.
I applaud all of you that showed restraint. You didn't suffer from a lack of were blessed with a rational mind in a time of great crisis.
You have much more inner strength than I did.
Hope & Hugs, Shawn

Anonymous said...

that poor father, what you have put him through. Oh well, you won, with all your husband's money. You know - the money that he so easily gave to strippers, probably other whores, other non whores and yes, to Jaymie. But, I know, it's not your husband's fault. It's their fault. It's all their fault. Well, then it is yours too. You take the money too. God. I wish I could have liked you better. I did for a long while. But now I see the hatred and sickness of your soul and it has nothing to do with Richard.