After an affair, your life doesn't belong to you anymore. For over a year, I couldn't control my own thoughts.
The turmoil in my head was viciously repetitive but savagely random. With this blog, I began to exorcise the demons holding my head hostage.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

A Little Wisdom from Buddha

A Quote from Buddhist Boot Camp:

When someone is suffering deeply within themselves, their suffering spills over and they start making others suffer as well. What they truly need is our help, not punishment —Thich Nhat Hanh

There you have it, my fellow betrayed spouses!  Buddha gets it!  
That's my story in two sentences!

Damn.  If only Jaymie had been a Buddhist instead of a Baptist.  I'd have gotten the emails for sure!
Hee Hee  ;-)


Anonymous said...

This post is ironic for me... One of the things that has helped me most after dday is embracing the Buddhist philosophy. It is very soothing and full of extreme wisdom. Believe it or not, I have actually started to dabble with the concept of forgiveness for the see that she is a troubled person and hanging on to hate for ANY human being is the most poisonous to me.

I have been listening to the talks of Pema Chodron to glean a little sane wisdom, and I swear I am starting to settle down. That fury and hatred is softening, and the best thing about that is that it makes MY life easier. The OW will never know (or care, for that matter) and that is fine. I do it so I can get on with my life without my head exploding!

Thank you for this quote, grasshopper...

Stephanie C.

BS said...

I am a converted Buddhist, and I did apply this concept to my marriage, and that I why I chose reconciliation.

However, I also, initially applied this to the outsider and it has backfired on me.

Our MC, thinks this outsider has a personality disorder that causes her to lack empathy and to have very high opinion of herself albeit an unrealistic delusional opinion.

This type of OW a bunny boiler can be very dangerous. She actually has exhibited in all her post dday actions a pathology bordering on psychopath, according to one MC.

So, in her case, continuing to direct anger at her and to attempt to get a restraining order is a self protective mechanism that is healthy.

I initially did feel very empathetic to this outsider women because I could see by her emails that she was a 30 something women and totally unemployable and felt trapped married to a man she never loved.

But now I need to be angry.

shawn thewife said...

Stephanie C.: There are an infinite number of Roads back to Happy, yet they can still be elusive to many. So glad you found yours!
Buddha rocks.
Hope & Hugs, Shawn

shawn thewife said...

BS: I hope you find a way to oust the bunny boiler or at the very least ignore her feeble efforts. I'm sure if you reward her with any reaction or attention at all it'll just feed her fire, right?
One more thought...have you changed all your phone numbers & emails?? It sounds like you've done everything else!
I have no empathy for Buddha would be quite disappointed in me.
Hope & Hugs, Shawn

BS said...

Hi Shawn:

Your post made me smile. I have no empathy for this OW either, now.

I must have been one heck of a sucker to have had any at all, initially.

No. I don't react, when I get the calls, I simply gather information and pretend I am oblivious to the symbolism of the questions asked or the supposedly damning information slipped into the conversation.

My husband told me everything, when I asked, so there are no secrets she can have any cohort reveal, now.

Yes. I have changed the home number and cell, as has my husband changed his cell.

Alas, we both own businesses and it's therefore pretty easy for the outsider to find the numbers to make contact with the business phones. Those numbers need to be public for business reasons.

My husband actually left a company to start his own business to be able to work in our town, close to my office.

Since the affair with my husband, according to the rumor mill, the outsider has had numerous other affairs, yet she always recycles back to my husband.

Not uncommon, according to the MC. The relationship didn't die a natural death, by Dday, so now she's still in the grass is greener mode.

I have video tapes of her car parked near both offices, even though she lives no where near them.

Unfortunately it is not a crime to park on a public street.

Anonymous said...

Hi :) I just found your page...just someone in the same boat, or at least on the same river. I would like to send you an email if I could, feel like it is too risky to comment much online. Could you tell me your address as I couldn't navigate the profile page to find it. Thanks :)

shawn thewife said...

Anonymous: I'm very sorry you are in the same boat, but if it helps at all...the waves eventually calm and the sailing becomes smoother.
My email is:

You are not alone.
Hope & Hugs, Shawn