Thursday, July 3, 2014
The Home of the Brave
I did not plan on writing a post today. I have been gearing up for a festive celebration at the beach tomorrow. Packing up all the trappings needed for an early get away to the coast to celebrate our country's declaration of freedom with thousands of my closest friends. (It's gonna be a zoo out there and I love that, too!)
::::Adding this little factoid on July 5th; There were over a million people on the beaches of San Diego yesterday! CRAZY! It cost us $50 to park! Worth it!! So fun!::::
As I was loading the back of my car and humming Yankee Doodle (Really, yea. I do that.) my brain drifted to thoughts of the real meaning of the holiday. The signing of the Declaration of Independence. Such a monumental, historic day! How brave those men, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, to name but a few, were knowing that if they signed their names to such a treasonous document and were captured by the British, they would be hung, at the very least, probably drawn and quartered, too. Amazing courage!
From there, my brain shifted gears again (ADD much?) to how brave we, betrayed spouses, are as we do the work to recover from the trauma of infidelity. Whether we ultimately decide to stay or go, the courage required, the fortitude, the grits and the guts to survive and thrive after adultery are pretty damn close to heroism.
A reach? Not in my book. So I decided to come back to my computer and share some of these thoughts with you.
To heal we must declare ourselves independent of the need for any guarantees, not that we ever had any to begin with, but it sure felt like we did before DDay, right? We renounce the shelter of the safety net that used to be our previously loyal spouse. We boldly take control of our own destiny, not able to ignore the possibility of future peril, but able to function in spite of it. We debate the infinite number of issues between staying or going. With great intensity we weigh the pros and cons of leaving the cheater and starting over alone, or reconciliation with someone that nearly destroyed us.
That takes some serious chutzpah, People! It's not fearlessness. Nooooo! Not even! Far from it! It is wicked scary! But that's why I decided to stop packing up the towels, beach chairs and sunscreen. I had to tell you all how freaking proud I am of you!! Of ME, too, for that matter!! We are reclaiming our right to the pursuit of happiness! We own it! Maybe it took longer than we thought it should, but like our great Nation, nothing worthwhile ever comes without supreme effort and sacrifice.
If you haven't found your Road to Happy yet, I hope you still take a minute to give yourself some credit. When I was living in Crazy Town, I never gave myself credit for merely enduring. Just enduring when life is spiraling out of control is an achievement worth celebrating. This weekend, as you put one foot in front of the other, heading into another pain filled day, please remember...You are stronger than you think! You are a champion in the making and I am a BIG fan!
Happy Independence Day, my friends!