Manic Meltdown nearly 2 months ago. For those of you that haven't given up on me, here's what happened next:
That day was so hard. I couldn't string two rational thoughts together. I had lost focus as well as a filter. Scattered thoughts almost instantly became irrational actions. Recalling many of those impulsive actions cause me sincere regret.
I don't know how I made it through work that day. No way I accomplished anything of substance. I'm sure Nikki had my back. She always does.
After what I can only imagine was an extremely turmoil filled, unproductive day, I left to go pick up Richard at his office. We had planned a date night, but once again, due to unforeseen circumstances, my crazy quotient rising off the charts, without discussing it, we knew the date was cancelled. As we began the 45 minute drive home, few words were spoken. After my performance that morning, he must have been scared shitless. How could he possibly know what I was capable of at this point when I had no idea? The fluctuation of my emotions was random and excessive. One minute, I was screaming in the halls of Richard's office, the next I was crying, writing an apology to a member of his staff. Anger, remorse, anger, remorse, anger, remorse...like the tide...a never ending cycle.
Without warning (I'm sure Richard wished I had some kind of flashing red light that would signal CAUTION CRAZY AHEAD!) I dialed my mom. I was gonna type that I "decided" to call MOM, but that isn't accurate. A decision means there was thought given to the action. I was all about spontaneity! As the phone rang on his blue tooth, I announced it was time to bring Mom into the lascivious, lurid loop. Mom answered and I dropped the bomb. Yuck..more collateral damage.
"Mom, it's me. I have to tell you something. Richard cheated on me with a 24 year old girl. I found out 3 months ago. Dad knows. I'm surprised he hasn't talked to you. Dad doesn't know I know he knows. Messed up, right?"
"I knew something was wrong! Are you OK? Can I do anything? I can't believe your dad knew!"
OOPS! Threw Dad under the bus along with Richard. That was wrong, but shrapnel was flying. Wadda ya gonna do?
"You can't do anything right now, but I just thought you should know. It was getting too hard to continue the Happy Show. Richard and I are heading home. He's here in the car. He can hear you."
I knew Richard wouldn't want to be left out of this enlightening conversation.
I snicker thinking about how good I was at hurting him. I had such a scary evil streak.
Mom replied that she had nothing to say to him right now, but she was glad I told her about the situation and she hoped I'd call her later. Richard would have to wait to face her. All you moms out there know what happens to someone that hurts your child. Richard knew even though Mom spared him a tongue lashing in the car, she was gonna rip him a big new one later. She just gave him time to think about what was coming. Well played, Mom.
We said our goodbyes. I think I was crying because Mom had been so calm and comforting. For three months I had worried about her interfering if she knew the horrible truth. She came through in the clutch. Turns out, no matter how old we are, we still need our Mommies.
The rest of the ride home is a blur. Often I'm amazed I remember as much as I do. Most of my friends will attest to the fact that my memory is like a sponge. I absorb a lot , but the info doesn't last long in there. I do remember what happened when I got home. I felt like a caged animal. I wanted out! I needed to get away from Richard for a few days. I didn't want to hear his voice, see his face or even know he was in the same zip code! I began calling local hotels for room prices.
When I threw his ass out, he stayed at a Marriott Suites with Jaymie and a seedy local motel for the next few nights. I was looking for something a little more upscale. As I called, searching for a room with the creature comforts I desired, my mom called to check on me. I told her my plans. I wanted to leave for the weekend.
Mom to the rescue!!
"I'll call my casino host and get you a room at Barona! It won't cost you a penny!"
Great! A free room at the place Richard took Jaymie to FUCK in the afternoons! It seemed like Kismet somehow. What better place to contemplate my future with my cheating husband than where the cheating took place? I already did the Tour de Trauma, this was just a continuation of the trip.
I took her up on her offer and I went to pack a bag. Didn't need much. My plan was to drink a lot and spend copious amounts of money on room service and spa treatments.
Richard agreed I needed some time to myself, but his face told me he thought this was the beginning of the end. He was squirming.
This weekend away was looking better and better.