Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Resolve to be Happy
The key word in that greeting is...HAPPY. All of my resolutions for 2013 revolve around being happy. Sounds simple enough, right? But after you've been betrayed, not so much.
After Richard's affair, it was very hard work for me to appreciate all the good in my life when I couldn't stop obsessing about the bad.
Since a year after the affair, when I began this blog and became an active member on The Healing Heart message boards, I have grown exponentially stronger with each passing day. We all know there are some days, trigger filled, and self-pity laden, that drag you back a notch or two, but I can say with rediscovered inner strength, that those days are becoming the exception, not even close to the rule, for me on my Road to Happy and I am beyond grateful to those of you that have helped me reach this place on my journey. It is SO much better than where I was two years ago!
I wish that all of you that have so generously joined me in this story of recovery find yourselves on the same path this year.
My resolutions this year should be to quit smoking, lay off the damn doughnuts and exercise from time to time. Yoga maybe?
All of those things will make me healthy but not any more happy. I mean, I really like doughnuts!
As I am ever vigilant in seeking to improve my quality of life and acutely aware of my level of joy, (If I make it sound like hard work, well...facts are facts. Sometimes it's really freakin' hard!) I have found there are a few crucial things to remember and practice often.
Those will be the resolutions I focus on this year. They are not numerous, but if I over load my to-do list, I doubt that will make me very happy. :-(
1. Make a note, mental or otherwise, of the best thing that happens to me each day. Ask my kids to share the same with me. If I was counting yesterday, my best thing would have been that my 15 year old son kissed me twice after wishing me a happy new year. He hugged me, too. Sweet.
Or...maybe since that happened after midnight it is today's happiest thing.
Oh, well, to stress about your happiest thing will NOT make it your happiest thing so try not to get all OCD about it.
2. I will TRY to be kind to everyone, even the people that have managed to obtain my UNLISTED phone number to solicit us about life insurance just as I put dinner, that I worked very hard to prepare, on the table so I could enjoy a little time with my family. I will not tell her she should seek other gainful employment because there is a special place in hell for people that make cold calls asking for money during the dinner hour. I will thank her for the offer, graciously decline and bid her a good night, smiling all the while, even though she can't see me. The smile will be for my family waiting patiently for me to begin our evening meal.
(LOL! This already makes me happy, because I just got a visual of THAT actually happening! ROTF! No way! Once my son gets his plate in front of him, the count down starts! His plate would be empty, and on a good night placed in the sink, then he'd be long gone from the table before I was even able to walk to the phone to answer it!! Still, it's a fabulous fantasy so I WILL smile.)
Suffice it to say, in the past two years, my fuse has been shorter than I would like. I'm gonna strive to extend it as much as possible.
And #3: Find a way to reach out to more of you. I don't want anyone to have to go through betrayal alone. It's just too hard. If it helps anyone at all, I will continue to share my story. If any of you have ideas of how we can help each other PLEASE share.
You all have helped me. Since you came into my life, I moved into the fast lane on the Road to Happy.
My readers provide a steady tail wind and push me along with loving thoughts and good wishes. I hope to do the same for as many betrayed spouses (and we all know there are a shit-ton of us!) as I can. Paying it forward will make me VERY happy!
That's it. Notice none of my 3 resolutions require anything from Richard. He doesn't own my happiness. I do, 100%.
It kind of makes me happy to realize I get that now.
Sending you Hope, Hugs and a fervent wish for your Happiness in 2013!!
If you'd like to share your resolutions for the coming year, I'd sure love to read them!!